The Witty Ways of a Wayward Woman

Thoughts on Womankind and My Mother

It was three years ago on Saturday that my mother died. It was the most traumatic 24 hours of my life. Without warning, my beautiful mother and closest friend was taken from me by a brain hemorrhage. Sometimes, the nights seem quite long. I’m going to post the song Moves Like Jagger which, rather than make me feel even more sad, will make me feel better. Mum and I had very similar, almost identical tastes. In fact, we could wander round a department store, meet up half an hour later and find we’d both selected the very same item – and if it wasn’t exactly the same it was the same article just in a different colour-way. I guess we were both on the same wave length. Mum always kept up with modern music and films so I’m pretty darn sure she would have loved this song. She probably would have had a few succinct words to

janeturley 17 October 2011 2 Comments

Me, The Car Parking Officer and Clint Eastwood

Do you remember my vitriolic letter about my car parking ticket? Well another car parking “incident” occurred yesterday when I may or may not have been illegally parked near to my son’s school. Now I hastened to add if I was such a person who may or may not been illegally parked it would be because of the very difficult situation of a certain school being in the town centre with insufficient adjacent car parking facilities. Now, if like the good Mrs T, you have to dash off to pick up another child and then dash off to tennis and can’t afford the time to go to a car park further away you have no alternative but to either keep driving around and around in circles (which in my opinion creates even more congestion and risk when there are children running all over the place) or find a discreet and safe place to park. So yesterday, when I

janeturley 15 October 2011 No Comments

How much did you say?

The cost to supply and fit a new kitchen mixer tap is £144.00. How much did you say??? £144.00 Are you an “executive” plumber or does the tap come with bells and an inbuilt stereo? Are you taking the mickey, Love? Absolutely not. Merely making a polite enquiry….. Well, that was the conversation in my head anyway. There was also some imagery involving a deep fat fryer and some fried meat balls. So, Readers, what do you reckon? Is £144.00 legit? Now, the request was for a basic tap so the bulk of the amount would be labour. I’m also assuming that like 95% of the workman who have ever come to my house the preference would be for a “cash” payment. So, I just watched this video; So how much time for an experienced plumber to replace the sink with no unexpected problems arising? Shall we be generous and say an

janeturley 14 October 2011 No Comments

Master Ben and his Plastic Machine Gun

Well since I’ve figured out how to use Windows Movie Maker I thought I’d post an amusing video I found on my camera about 18 months or so ago. It’s Master Benedict’s first attempt at a documentary which unfortunately involves attempted cat murder and some dubious shots of my carpet. However, it is rather funny. I think Master Ben might have a future in film. Or maybe in an institution.

janeturley 13 October 2011 4 Comments

Equality and Diversity. Yeah, right.

Okay, so this is a rant. I figure I need one. I’ve been working too hard and need to let off some steam. So let’s talk about equality and diversity. Now those of you who have read this blog for a long time know I’m a gentle, fair minded soul. I believe in equality. I have absolutely nothing against small people called Tom who star in major movies and who may or may not wear platforms. In fact, I defend every man’s right to wear platforms. It’s a free world and let’s face it – some people would have difficulty looking over the sweet counter without heels. Anyway, I recently filled out a job application form which wanted to know my sexual orientation. ( The student advisor job – see a previous rant.) Well, I have to admit I was a bit taken aback by such boldness and I felt rather like rolling up

janeturley 12 October 2011 6 Comments

Long Hours and Rainy Days

The weather has taken a turn for the worse here in the UK. Early October was hot and balmy but that soon deteriorated into our usual wind and rain. I’ve been absent from the blogging world as I’ve been working hard on three courses and putting together a sponsorship application for Jacob to continue his tennis development. Unfortunately, there’s only the one sports award. I strongly suspect Jacob doesn’t stand a chance in hell – especially if they are looking for a child already working at their full potential with a stack of national trophies. But Jacob is a grass roots player, there is so much more he has to learn. So much potential to improve. Whatever the outcome I’m hugely proud of him anyway.

janeturley 11 October 2011 7 Comments

It could only happen to me

Today I had to deliver a micro-teach. It’s part of a course I’ve been doing to upgrade my qualifications. So I got up early, made sure I had everything prepared whilst feeling slightly excited at the prospect of a new challenge. I showered, put on my make-up and selected my clothes and made myself ready. I decided to veer away from my usual casual attire of jeans or trousers by going for the professional look by slipping on a skirt, petticoat and tights. After a spray of perfume, I checked myself in the mirror and thought I looked (passably) like I knew what I was doing… Anyway, I delivered my micro-teach at the front of the class and all seem to go reasonably well. I felt a little rushed due to the time constraints and a bit uncomfortable – a fact I put down to my tights which, as all women know, are a woman’s worst enemy – after stockings.

janeturley 23 September 2011 16 Comments

I am not a Student Advisor! (Mrs T’s search for Employment II )

Yep, I am not a student advisor. Well, I’m pretty sure I’m not as the interview date was today and I haven’t heard anything. The problem is, when you haven’t worked in the conventional manner since 1998, it doesn’t matter how much voluntary work you’ve done; you’ve still not been employed. It’s a competitive world at the moment and there’s a lot of people who tick all the right boxes fighting over very few jobs. Anyway, I think the University is missing out. I would have made a fantastic student advisor! I mean who wouldn’t want Mrs T dispensing her pearls of wisdom to the student fraternity? I admit though that Young Sam, who has just started his second year at university, was not quite so impressed with the idea… Mrs T: Sam, I’ve applied for a job as a student advisor at the University. Ask me some questions, will you? Just in case I get an interview. Sam:

janeturley 15 September 2011 18 Comments

The Princess and the Thief (Flash fiction)

Mummy ran out the back door, Daddy went out the front door. I think they forgot me. Daddy’s a banker. He travels a lot. Mummy said this time he’d gone too far. She threw the earrings he’d bought her in the bin. Then Daddy threw his briefcase. It hit mummy’s china. I took my parcel into the lounge and cried. The string is too tight. I need scissors from the kitchen. It’s messy in there and too quiet. Perhaps Mummy will be pleased if I tidy up. I pick her earrings out of the bin and put them in her special cookie jar and I put Daddy’s briefcase back on the table. Daddy calls me his princess and Mummy calls me her angel. I collect the big pieces of broken plates and drop them in the bin. There’s a shadow on the floor, I look up and see a man

janeturley 1 September 2011 10 Comments

Alien Silence

Dear Readers, I am experiencing technical difficulties with that icon of British business British Telecommunications, otherwise known as BT. If you do not hear from me for days, weeks or possibly months it is because BT contractors have cut the cable outside my house and I have no phone or broadband. I am currently writing this from the local tennis club. Now the last time I had an issue with BT it took two whole months to sort. So, as you can imagine, I am not expecting this matter to be sorted imminently. Now I could bore you to death with my previous BT saga but frankly that would probably result in high blood pressure and early death for me and immense boredom for yourselves. However, I do have a few succinct words to say on this matter;

janeturley 27 August 2011 8 Comments

I am not a Librarian! (Mrs T’s Search for Employment 1)

Right folks, it’s time for me to start a new aspect on my blog called Mrs T’s Search for Employment. Yes, the time has come for Mrs T to return to work as life is just getting too expensive! So, to set the scene. I haven’t worked in the conventional sense since 1998. Right, stop that groaning now, Readers. I have been working very, very, hard, as you know, keeping my house clean, cooking delicious meals and picking the dead heads of the hanging baskets. There was the matter of the three children which has, on the odd occasion, caused a few sleepless nights. (Well, when I say a few sleepless nights I mean acute insomnia coupled with an addiction to non-prescription drugs and fine sherry. Still, it’s made for an interesting life.) Anyway, I haven’t applied for a job for about 3 years. At that time, I had a little spate

janeturley 25 August 2011 5 Comments

Opinions Please

I’m sure that most of you across the world have read of the recent rioting in the UK. It’s been a few worrying weeks and many people have been musing over the possible causes of the terrible events; bad parenting, a weak penal system, economic crisis, political incompetence, poor education and so on. It is, of course, the result of many combining factors. It’s a tragic situation and in the past, amongst my usual silly posts, I’ve written more serious articles on how the changes in society, particularly with respect to education during the Labour government, have caused me great concern. I have, however, recently discovered another reason for the riots; one of my ladies from the Book Club sent me a truly shocking picture depicting a heinous crime. Apparently, the offending picture was taken on the opening night of the riots at a social event in Tottenham; I was gob smacked at the overt

janeturley 19 August 2011 10 Comments