The Witty Ways of a Wayward Woman

In All Seriousness…

The British general election campaign is rapidly becoming a laugh a minute. Yesterday, was the biggest belly laugh so far when Gordon Brown shot himself in the foot. (Metaphorically speaking – although I’m sure there’s a lot of folks who’d be happy if he did literally shoot himself in the foot – and if happened to miss and hit his head I’m sure they’d be even happier.) Yep, Gordon’s credibility took an even bigger nose dive when he was caught by a sound recordist calling an elderly widow, a life long labour supporter, ex council worker and carer, Gillian Duffy, a “bigot.” It would probably take a miracle now for Labour to be re-elected. Tonight’s live debate is Brown’s only opportunity to redeem himself and since he is neither a good orator or charismatic I think tonight will see the rise of David Cameron and possibly the rise and rise of Nick Clegg. It’s been an utterly fascinating election so far and in one fell swoop, 2 weeks ago,

janeturley 30 April 2010 4 Comments

I Never Beg! (much)

Right, time to explain about my rather long absence. Well, yes, there was the problem of school holidays but also I’m afraid I got into a rather sticky situation which resulted in my being arrested and detained under the watchful eye of the authorities in one of HRH’s less glamorous institutions. (And I’m not talking about Balmoral Castle – although I’ve heard that the tartan cushions and throws are looking a bit threadbare these days.) Hmm, anyway being incarcerated is not good for my reputation as a Housewife Extraordinaire. But the sad fact Readers is… that I was caught begging. Yes, begging. And before anyone suggests it – I was not dribbling at Thornton’s sweet counter and pleading for the last hazelnut praline. ( In emergency “Last Chocolate in Box” scenarios I just pull out my epilator and threaten the opposition with some ruthless defuzzing. If, however, my opponent is bald I produce my Spit “n” Shine cloth which usually has an immediate withdrawal effect – especially if I make

janeturley 27 April 2010 No Comments

Marathon Music Monday

So yesterday my mate Sy completed the 2010 London Marathon in 4 hours and 9 minutes. He was hoping to do 3.45 but was badly affected by cramps at 18 miles. Nevertheless, what a phenomenal achievement for Sy who less than a year ago was 5 stone heavier! Wow, what a guy! So far Sy has raised £3,136 for Children with Leukemia. Marathon running is a real endurance sport and I’m completely in awe of the elite sports men and women who put themselves through such vigorous training and physical challenges to be amongst the most revered athletes in the world. Yesterday the London Marathon was won by Tsegaye Kebede of Ethopia in a time of 2 hours, 5 minutes and 18 seconds – that’s about the time I take to do the washing up on one of my less enthusiastic days. On the left is Sy after completing the marathon and wearing his winner’s medal. He

janeturley 26 April 2010 2 Comments

Faith, Hope and Charity

Hello Everyone, I’m back! I know you’ve been wondering where I’ve been been but in the UK it has been the Easter Hols and I’ve been under pressure from those Young Masters to be a dutiful mother. Damn their selfish ways – have they no concern for a poor woman in need of a corrective surgery and a large crate of Martini? Anyway, later next week I will be back with all my usual ramblings and to let you know what is happening in the run up to the UK general election which is proving to be fascinating – certainly the most intriguing election campaign in my lifetime. I will also enlighten you on how I was caught begging – it’s not a pretty story but will, in part, also explain my prolonged absence. However, today I wanted to talk to you about someone who has become a very good friend of

janeturley 24 April 2010 No Comments

The Wacky Races – and We’re Off!

So on Tuesday Gordon Brown announced the general election will be on May 6th (or rather it was leaked to the press first in true Labour fashion before being officially announced in the afternoon.) So the Wacky Races begin! Let the best team win! So the contenders will be slogging it out for the title for World’s Wackiest Bullshitters… Oh and the governing party as well – lets not forget that! Over the next few weeks I’ll be featuring some of the more pronounced candidates and/or supporters of the major parties taking part in the Wacky Races. So who do we have up first as Rock Slag and Gravel Slag as the Slag Brothers in Bouldermobile 1? Why, none other than the delightful John “Two Jags/ Two Shags/ Two Shacks” Prescott (select your preferred choice) and his son, David Prescott, who will be touring marginal constituencies in the Prescott Express Battle Bus. (Seriously – that’s what Johnnie boy calls it!) Here, take a look; Wow,

janeturley 8 April 2010 6 Comments

Any Moment Soon!

Yes…any moment soon the news we’ve all been waiting for in the UK will be hitting the headlines; the date of the forthcoming general election. After 5 years of Labour rule and 13 consecutive years of Labour government the country will finally go to the polls again. I’m one of many, I believe, hoping for a breath of fresh air … and I think this country certainly needs a real change. But before you folks start worrying that I’m going to get too serious and bore you all to death with political ramblings let me assure you I will commentating on the proceedings in my own unique manner. Now in preparation for this stupendous intellectual feast I feel I should get into the right frame of mind – So naturally I’ve been contemplating sending Mr T some false expenses for some shoes I’ve never worn, a second mortgage for a house I don’t own, and £3.00 receipt for a sandwich I didn’t buy. However, then I thought twice about ripping Mr

janeturley 5 April 2010 8 Comments

Heavenly Thoughts

What is heaven? Is heaven something that only exists in the mind? Or is there a physical heaven too? There are so many intriguing questions about heaven, none of which we will know the answers until we make our own journey to heaven. Over at The View from Here I discuss the heaven that the authors Alice Sebold and W.M Paul Young envision in their best selling novels The Lovely Bones and The Shack in my article Stairways to Heaven: The Lovely Bones meets The Shack. Of course some of you will realise that I cribbed the title of my article from the Led Zeppelin song Stairway to Heaven which is a classic rock tune. If you haven’t heard of it, then have a listen now; But now I want to talk about that other kind of heaven – the heaven we have on earth! I guess most of us associate heaven on earth as being “in love.”

janeturley 3 April 2010 12 Comments

Music Monday: Fireflies in Heaven

I’ve been working hard this morning on a book review for The View From Here so I though I’d break off for a few moments for a cup of coffee and listen to a song that I’ve become addicted to lately. I guess you’d call it a little down time! I’m definitely in need of it as the article I’m writing is about two books which deal with child abduction and murder The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold and The Shack by W.M Paul Young. Both books also present their own pictures of heaven so as you can imagine my brain is whirring around trying to place all my thoughts about such complex subjects. My article will be up on The View later this week so if you feel you can deal with such themes do pop over and have a read. Alternatively, if you just like my usual rubbish stay here! Well

janeturley 29 March 2010 7 Comments

An Inglorious Glorious Film!

Towards the end of last year, my blog buddy Gary Davison gave the film Inglorious Bastards a splendid review on his site. So when I happened to see it on a shelf at the supermarket before Christmas with the byline “Special interview with Quentin Tarantino,” being a big fan of war movies, I popped it in the trolley. Little did I know, until last night, that I had actually bought the 1978 version of Inglorious Bastards directed by the Italian Enzo. G. Castellari and not the 2009 film starring Brad Pitt which Gary had reviewed. (It had a different cover to one shown here which looked a bit arty and contemporary.) But I’m mighty glad I picked up the wrong copy because the 1978 version is an absolute hoot! I haven’t laughed so much in ages; the film is so bad it is brilliant! Imagine every war cliche you can think of, transpose them into a dire Italian film dubbed in English and

janeturley 28 March 2010 9 Comments

Harold Hadrada Update

Well, I might as well let you know how Master Ben got on as a Viking. (Or not as the case may be.) Okay, I’ve admitted it before – I’m no longer quite the diligent mum I used to be on the costume front. So, last night I put out an emergency SOS for a Viking helmet. Fortunately the good Mrs A turned up trumps on that score and Master Ben’s head wear was sorted. Hurrah! One thing struck off the list with minimal effort! But the bad news for mums like me is that plastic swords and daggers have been banned from dressing up days. Apparently, swords are very dangerous weapons and some children have actually broken fingernails. Even worse, some children have been known to acquire small bruises on their upper arms requiring the application of soothing creams. Hmm. It’s sure tough being a kid at times. In

janeturley 26 March 2010 6 Comments

Harold Hadrada wore a pillow case, oversized belt and a plastic hat.

I swear to God if there is another dressing up day at Ben’s school before he leaves in July I may be the first mum to go to school dressed as Harold Hadrada, fully equipped with sword and dagger and few non-period accessories such as a longbow, grenade, Ak47, flame thrower and a Chieftain tank and give the headmistress a taste of her own medicine. In fact I may just nuke the staffroom. Last night with PMT I nearly burnt the house down. Tomorrow is Viking day at school and I’m contemplating mass murder. Hmm. Things are not looking good. I’d just like to publically say to the headmistress; STOP HAVING DRESSING UP DAYS WOMAN THEY ARE DRIVING ME INSANE! Enough said. Except, woe betide anyone who crosses me tomorrow or the shit is really going to hit the fan.

janeturley 25 March 2010 5 Comments

Girl’s Talk

This is going to be a long post, so pull up your chairs, get out your biscuits and coffee coz this morning I feel in a crazy mood and feel like full scale whinging. Think Joan Rivers on heat and you’ll be getting the picture. Now where do I start? Hmm, I’ll start with some girlie stuff. Now you blokes can read too if you want -you may find stuff out that surprises you. (Note; I am still waiting for my expensive Bday “surprise” from the Good Mr T which apparently is being “imported.” Hopefully not from Holland – although you can never tell with a middle aged man. They do weird stuff sometimes.) Right, back to the girlie stuff – which I don’t think I’ve ever talked about in detail before on my blog, just the occasional passing mention. So okay, let’s talk “The time of the month,” PMT,

janeturley 24 March 2010 2 Comments