The Witty Ways of a Wayward Woman

24 Hours.

Yesterday, I had a wonderful day. For the first time I met not one, but two of my blogging friends in real life! Paul Burman and his wife, Sian, are on a world tour but fortunately found time to pop in for lunch chez Mrs T! In addition, another blog buddy, Mike French, the editor of The View From Here and also my good friend Mrs A joined us to help sample the culinary delights on offer. (Obviously purchased and not home made.) There was much talk and laughter and I was so pleased to have had this brief opportunity to meet up with Paul, Sian and Mike. Paul, I surmised, even though we have only communicatied by blog and email, knows me rather too well as he came bearing special gifts including a Thomas the Tank Magazine (complete with domino set), a lovely wooden bookmark, a boomerang (for the

janeturley 23 June 2009 7 Comments

A Pina Colada Please!

Has anyone tried a Pina Colada? I’ve just looked at the recipe; 2 shots of white rum, 4 shots of pineapple juice, 1 shot of cream and one shot of coconut cream. I’ve got to be honest; it sounds a little sickly to me. I’ve never been that keen on creamy drinks although in my younger days I did enjoy the occasional Bailey’s Irish Cream. These days I tend to go for the hard stuff – like diluted Persil Automatic or Mr Muscle Sink Unblocker. You know it’s amazing what you can get hooked on in a recession. Sometimes I even get hooked on the back on the door – usually it’s because Mr T is fed up with me. Anyway, the fact that I might not like Pina Coladas didn’t stop me fantasizing about one during my latest BBC article Say “No” to Camping which if you’ve overdosed on

janeturley 15 June 2009 10 Comments

Political Scandals and a Dollar Cure

Last week I was driving through the stately village of Woburn, the home of the Duke of Bedford and Woburn Abbey when suddenly Master Ben cried out; “Look, TV cameras!” As I had my eyes fixed on the car in front (just for a change) I didn’t see the cameras but I supposed that it was nothing unusual as historic Woburn Abbey and its famous safari park have been the subject of many documentaries. However, on our return several hours later, just as we coming through Woburn again, we were listening to the local radio news and the announcer declared something to the effect of; ” David Van Day has been in Woburn today canvassing political opinion. The former 80s popstar is considering standing at the next election.” At which point, I nearly had a fourth car crash. Let me explain – as I know many of you across the

janeturley 6 June 2009 8 Comments

Just a quickie….

Yep, I’m extraordinarily busy at the moment so my writing has suffered. The tennis and cricket seasons are in full swing which means I’m out every evening as usual but also almost the entire weekend with some sort of sporting affair. Also, Master Sam is in the middle of exams so during the day I’m ferrying him around too. Then with all those other things a mother has to do my precious time for writing has just been gradually dwindling away. I’m going to try and keep posting though-even if the posts turn out much shorter than usual. (Huge sighs of relief across the world.) However, even with all these things going on I have found time for some sucking. Yep, sucking. Yep, Delmonte have produced a limited edition fruit smoothie lolly in the shape of Daniel Craig. MMMMmmm…. personally I like my lollies quite firm so I can give

janeturley 4 June 2009 17 Comments

What I do when I’m not blogging

Right, the good news is I’m not dead. The bad news is that it took me 13 days, 9 hours, 11 minutes and 56 seconds to saw through my ball and chain with my emery board. I tell you, that Mr T is a cruel task-master. I’ve ironed hundreds of shirts, pants, trousers and even the tea towels whilst I’ve been confined to “The Cooler.” Yep, and that wicked Mr T didn’t even let me have my baseball and gloves. Huh, what’s a gal gotta to do to have some fun? Well anyway, having finally escaped I thought I’d better do a post as people were sending me emails wondering if I’d overdosed on chocolate and gone to meet my maker. Well to be truthful when I say “people” I mean my mate Huw from Uni. Thanks Huw – as your reward I will keep you on my special friends

janeturley 26 May 2009 5 Comments

A formal complaint about shirts.

It was a beautiful day yesterday and after dealing with my arduous morning duties I climbed the stairs to my study, sat my pert bottom upon my old oak chair and for a brief moment contemplated the quiet house, the peaceful solitude. I planned to indulge myself in some creative writing, perhaps a few emails and maybe even a little surfing on the internet for any new wondrous diet pills that might be available for small, pert bottomed ladies. Slowly, deliciously, I lifted the lid of my laptop… And there it was. A handwritten note. It was clearly recognisable as the Good Mr T’s handwriting. My heart fluttered, my pulse raced. At long last, after all these years I had finally, finally got a love letter from Mr T. Thoughts of sweet, affectionate, loving words crossed my mind. Words that would make my knees wobble, my lips moist, my body

janeturley 14 May 2009 21 Comments

Books, Birds, Death and Lulu. Yep, it’s insomnia time again!

It’s 4.20 and I’ve been awake for a while. Damn. Unfortunately, something woke me and my brain has gone to into wakey, wakey mode. So I might as well do a quick post! Here’s a book meme I picked up from Marie’s new book blog called ShoreBookWoman. I know many of you read lots so anyone who wants to take up this tag then please feel free to do so. Oh, I’ve just heard a bird sing. The dawn chorus is beginning; such a beautiful sound. I’ve always thought it would be lovely to die listening to the music of nature. But hey, with my driving skills and frequent bad luck I’ll probably peg it to the sound a freight lorry crushing me. Still it’s gotta be better than the sound of Cliff Richard. Or The Shadows. Or Max Bygraves. Or maybe even Lulu singing Shout. That would be just

janeturley 11 May 2009 7 Comments

Mrs T’s Eurovision Memoirs (3) Smoochy Time!

Everyone loves a smoochy tune; the song destined to be the last dance at discos and weddings. The Eurovision Song Contest and has churned out quite a few smoochies over the years but some are a little more memorable than others! One of my favourites is the 1987 winning entry Hold Me Now sung by Johnny Logan. So for all of you feeling a little lovey dovey right now here’s something to help with the the mood… I like Johnny’s passionate delivery in this song. And as he also wrote it I’m assuming there was at least a little bit of self exposure in the lyrics. Maybe that’s why it came across so well rather than some of the more painful exaggerated emotions that sometimes accompany power ballads. Johnny Logan is a legend in Eurovision terms as Hold Me Now was actually his second win. He first represented Ireland back

janeturley 10 May 2009 No Comments

Mrs T’s Eurovision Memoirs(2) Gibberish comes up trumps.

If you read my last Music Monday Post you’ll know I’m posting on the Eurovision contest over the coming days. So here is one of my favourites, the 1975 winning song by Teach In who sang a tune with a truly memorable title (worthy of Freudian analysis) called Ding-a-Dong. I used to have curtains like that. And is that hair for real or a wig? Cos if it is a wig I want one it. I’m not saying I’ve got hair loss but last time I shaved my legs I collected the hairs and stuck them on my head. Okay, let’s have a look at the lyrics; When you’re feeling alrightEverything is up-tightListen to sing a song that goes ding, ding a dongThere will be no sorrowWhen you’ll sing tomorrowAnd you walk along with your ding dang dong Ding a dong every hourWhen you pick a flowerEven when your lover

janeturley 8 May 2009 5 Comments

Reasons Why I Love being a Mum

This is a tag I received from Mrs G over at Eve’s Lungs. I have to give 5 reasons why I love being a mum. Now I’m pretty sure 5 reasons why I hate being a mum could pop into my head pretty easily…… oh well might as well do those first…. 1. When your children are small the only sex you know about is watching Top Gun with your eyes propped open with matchsticks and dribble running down the corner of your mouth at 2 am in the morning while your baby crawls all over the room unaware of the fact the HE SHOULD BE ASLEEP. Of course watching Tom Cruise performing is about as exciting as watching paint dry but let’s face it at 2 am you don’t want to watch University Challenge. 2. In the main part, children don’t lie until they get to a certain age

janeturley 7 May 2009 6 Comments

Bloomers at Bloomsbury (Writing Challenge 2; This Time It’s War!)

Yep, that author Gary Davison has been causing me trouble again! Not only is he beating me on our 12lb Weight Loss Challenge by 4 lbs (It’s sad what we writers do to keep ourselves amused) but he keeps sending me the most ridiculous words for our writing challenges. On our last challenge we were supposed to be writing a story for a competition with a theme of “uncertainty.” So I duly sent Gary some cracking scenarios and he sent me back; Characters; Mrs T and Mr D. (Himself) Setting; Bloomsbury Publishers Style; Humour Theme; Uncertainty. The result of this? Sadly, I haven’t written anything that is suitable for the competition! However, at least I have the small consolation that Gary’s weight loss is causing his double chin to go saggy! See how he’s trying to disguise it in this picture below? Boy, he will stop at nothing – even

janeturley 4 May 2009 8 Comments

The Honest Scrap Award

Well I’m expecting the critique of my novel back mid May and then I’ll be pressing on with finishing it so I maybe around a little randomly. (Unless it’s totally panned where I will then be around more frequently while it forms a nice funeral pyre in the back garden.) However, for the moment I thought I’d use the time to catch up with all the posts I’m owing. So I’m going to start with The Honest Scrap Award which my dear friend Marie over at Nourish gave to me back in early February. Now it took Marie three months to accept her award before passing it on…. so what can I say… but don’t feel bad Marie three months looks like the standard now! Now a condition of accepting this award is that I have to list 10 honest scrap things about me and 5 addictions. Now even though

janeturley 4 May 2009 6 Comments