The often dubious, politically incorrect and mainly humorous musings of Ms Jane Turley, (Ex) Housewife Extraordinaire.
Nooooooo! What happened? Damn this technology! Just as I’m getting into the groove with Pierce and Daniel the IT things packs up. How outrageous! I shall to try again and save it on disc. So I keep it for posterity! (And very possible dribbling!)
Yes, yes okay. I was going to write something slushy and sentimental but then I thought what people need is actually something practical to get you through Christmas. Now, regrettably, I can’t offer any cooking tips (For obvious reasons) so here’s a test for your sobriety. So if you’re thinking of getting in the car, dancing on the table or murdering your mother in law you need to complete the following test. If you fail you need to take 2 Anadins and go to bed. I should warn you this test is not for the feint hearted so if you have a pacemaker or are of a nervous disposition read my Christmas Socks poem instead. By the way, when you get to the end of each level release your mouse and then quickly press down again to take you onto the next level. play flash games Right, off to bed
I love Christmas. It should be full of love, laughter and happiness, irrespective of religious beliefs. For children too, it’s also a wonderful, magical time of believing in a Land of Make Believe. I think it’s so important for children to develop an imagination and enjoy the world of Santa, elves, giants, witches and a host of other fairytale characters. Having the capacity to imagine is what sets us apart from other mammals, to create, to develop, to inspire is a human gift and I believe we should encourage our children to develop their sense of imagination because reality, unfortunately, comes all too soon. I loved reading stories like The Princess and the Pea, Rapunzel and of course the more popular stories like Snow White and Cinderella as a child and in turn I loved reading them to my boys. Everyone loves a fairytale, be it Star Wars, Lord of
Christmas comes but once a yearHurrah for that ’cos it’s very dearSo raise your glasses, hoist your frocksBe prepared for those Christmas socks Open your prezzies, empty your stockingWhose gift is best for ritual mocking?Is it the pants or is it the clock?No, it’s those awful Christmas socks. Boil your sprouts and eat those tartsGet outta the way before hubby fartsBaste your turkeys, drink your hocksParade those hideous Christmas socks Pull the crackers, tell some jokesThose silly rhymes will make you chokeFry the leftovers in a wokA new ingredient is… a Christmas sock Granny cries, “What’s this in my bubble and squeak?”Mummy lies, “Just a new a new kind of Christmas leek!”Granny goes into anaphylactic shockAt the pungent smell of the Christmas Sock. Granny coughs and drops down deadAnd now you can retire to bed For never again will you have to putA Christmas sock upon your foot. Copyright Jane
I’m warning you all now – this post may be silly in places and a tad long. Sorry about that. Anyhow, a few weeks back when I was feeling a little blue an email popped up from Go! Smell the Flowers! It was an award for my (rather dubious) musings which really cheered me up when I needed it…so a big Thank You to all the team at over at the Flower Shop for the vote of confidence. But that’s not all…because a few days later a video link appeared for You Tube for a Flower Smeller film where just for a second my silly jester icon pops up! Here it is below; see if you can spot me! Well I really enjoyed that little bit of fun! And if you’re wondering what the song was, it’s the latest release from Girls Aloud, winners of Pop Stars; The Rivals (which
When I first saw the Music Monday link I thought it would be a rather nice opportunity to not only play some of my favourite songs but also take a little meander back through the years and remind myself of some of the singers and songs that have marked some stage of my life. The first record I remember owning was a compilation “floppy” 45 inch record that came free with a weekend newspaper. It was the by the group with the royal connection; The Three Degrees. If you don’t live in the UK you may not know that it has been been well reported that Prince Charles had a huge crush on Sheila Ferguson, the lead singer, and when you see her in the video you’ll see just why! I used to play the disc on a small record player passed on from a colleague of my father. The
Yeah, I ‘ve been having some trouble with the cousin of Bob The Builder, Gary the Geezer Davison, the author of Fat Tuesday. He’s been trying to get into a verbal fight with Mrs T over that political correctness post of mine. But now he’s realised the error of his ways and aplologised by posting a nice piccy of Pierce Brosnan for me on his site. So all is forgiven! Yep, and since I know Gary fancies young ladies like Danni and Kylie Minogue and the beautiful Cheryl Cole I’ve promised I’d post a piccy of a real hot chick for him ‘cos that’s just the way I am. Generous from the bottom of my soul! So just for you Gary…. One Hot Chick! Enjoy! I’m guessing you like sprouts Gary! Ho, ho.
I was first introduced to The Snowing and Greening of Thomas Passmore over at The View From Here literary magazine where I read Mike French’s interview with Paul whom I’m sure as most of my regular readers will know, I now refer to as PB. Now Paul’s interview was pretty sensible but as you are probably aware he often indulges with me in a little bit of British silliness but don’t be fooled Paul’s book is not silly in any way; it is a wonderful piece of literature….. Thomas Passmore is a family man who has emigrated to Australia in the search of a better life. But his roots are in the England; the England of his childhood and of his ancestors. As his mother lies dying, Thomas travels home but his journey is not just one of duty but also of reconciliation because Thomas’ past is an unclosed chapter
Gosh, I’ve just realised that I did something very naughty in my post The Day of Reckoning; I mentioned The Scottish Play by its proper name. Oh dear, now I will be cursed with even more bad luck! Perhaps I should explain – just in case you don’t know – but in the thespian world to mention The Scottish Play means doom and gloom and certain disaster – actors drying up, breaking legs and falling off the stage. The production is cursed! The Scottish Play is, of course, the play by William Shakespeare called…um…ah… How can I say it? …..If you shortened the name Macdonald or their well know product you’d have the first half of the name and if you thought of a nickname for Elizabeth you’d have the other half….. Hmm… that was challenging eh? There are a number of theories as to the origins of the curse
Personally I find music of all types inspiring; it has the ability to alter or lift my moods or indeed intensify them. Unfortunately, I’ve never been that much of a musician and I’ve a voice any sensible dog would howl to – so I’m always in admiration of those that create beautiful and uplifting music whether it is vocally, lyrically or instrumentally. Wouldn’t it be fantastic to be one of those people who sit down at a piano and just play? No wonder Christie Brinkley fell for Billy Joel. Hey, I’d fall for Barry Manilow if he wrote a song for me! Hmm…on second thoughts…maybe not. Well okay,maybe I’d have to be pretty tipsy. (And very possibly blind.) At my Book Club we often play music in the background that we feel adds to the flavour of the book just for a little added extra. So as we were due
I was taken by surprise by Fat Tuesday by Gary Davison. I’d also like to be taken by surprise by Pierce Brosnan but no such luck. (Stop thinking what you’re thinking Gary – I meant taken out to dinner.) Whoops veered off there… back to Gary’s book…Anyway why was I taken by surprise I hear you ask? Well…. Firstly, I’d read Paul Burman’s interview with Gary at The View From Here and found Gary quite an interesting character so I started reading his blog. Gary comes from the North of England (I know it’s terrible but someone’s got to) and runs his own construction business and from what I’ve read Gary both works and plays hard. He’s a bit of a tough cookie but with a soft centre. He also gets blind drunk, gambles and spends nights in shopping trolleys trying to work out the plot for his next novel
Yes, the day that I dread all year has arrived; The Day of Reckoning. For those of you who haven’t read my latest BBC article I must clarify that TDOR is the day when you receive notification of what role your child has been allocated in the Christmas nativity. Sadly, Master Sam and Master Jacob have never had a starring role in the nativity or indeed any school play so Master Benedict is my last chance at being the mother of a precocious child star and publishing a book entitled “How to get rich quick on the back of someone else’s talent” – which would be a pity because I could really do with the cash to pay for all that plastic surgery I’m planning. Damn. However….and I don’t like to boast…. but Master Benedict is as an undiscovered raw talent and at 7 years is at the peak age
