The Witty Ways of a Wayward Woman

A to Z: B is for Badass Brits.

Now, when I think of Badass Brits, I think of the likes of Jason Statham and Vinny Jones. Men with humble, working-class backgrounds who’ve made good and have a reputation as hard men in films. The kind of men who, 100 years ago, might have worked 12-hour shifts down the mines and still come home and dug the garden over. Not like our present PM, Keir Starmer, who keeps trying to pass himself off as the son of a working-class toolmaker when, in fact, his father owned the tool factory. Now, I do believe Herr Starmer knows a lot about tools. (I’ve heard he still works with them on a daily basis.) In fact, I heard he was able to build a cabinet with his tools, which frankly seems amazing given that rumour has it his tools are actually flaky cheap imports.

janeturley 2 April 2025 9 Comments

A to Z: Age is for Ageism

So, I reckon we should start off the A to Z with a rant on ageism and generally being old (read f***** over for the less sensitive amongst you.) I know it’s hard to believe, but I started writing this blog in 2007 when I was 42. This makes me a dinosaur amongst the blogging community (i.e., I’m verging on the extinct), and last month, I turned 60. Now, I know the kinder amongst you will be saying, “How can that fetching red-haired woman in the picture above be anywhere near 60? She looks barely 25!” To which my reply is: 1. You have failing eyesight. 2. You are on drugs. 3. You are on drugs and have failing eyesight. 4. I was wearing a wig. 5. I took that selfie in 2020 in lockdown when I was bored and decided to fashion myself a new hairstyle

janeturley 28 March 2025 9 Comments

New Website

After 18 years on another CMS, I have moved my blog to a more versatile platform. However, it will take some time while I perform some jiggery-pokery to get it exactly how I want it. So please bear with me as things fall off the page, are posted upside down and so on. It has also beome apparent that I will have to edit hundreds of posts as importing them has screwed up all the post layouts, especially paragraphs. This will obviously mean: The consumption of large amounts of chocolate. The downing of copious G & Ts. Rapid onset of Tourette’s Syndrome. Hmm… Pretty much sounds like the last 18 years anyway. Oh and I will be back for the April A to Z. In the meantime, I am off to the US soon to visit son no 2, formerly known as Master Jacob, who

janeturley 14 March 2025 7 Comments

A Chicken Nugget A Day Keeps Justice Away

I have been forced. Yes, forced to come out of blog hibernation to comment on the latest scandal to hit the UK. God knows I have been tempted multiple times in the last few years to comment on some of the insane things happening in the UK and in the world, but sadly, life has just thrown too many curve balls at me. But today, I can take no more – I cannot keep my mouth shut any longer over the insanity that is rearing its ugly head in the UK. And what has been my breaking point? Chicken nuggets. Yep. Chicken nuggets. Apparently, British nuggets are so darn tasty that no chicken nuggets elsewhere in the world can compare (or specifically Albania), and that is a reason to prevent the deportation of a convicted illegal immigrant. Now, this is news to me. I had no idea that chicken nuggets

janeturley 10 February 2025 1 Comment

My Nominees for the US and UK Elections and Other Waffle

It’s the early hours of the morning, and I have had a large gin… Late-night alcohol is always a good recipe for writing gibberish. And I have not written gibberish for a while on my blog as I have been busy writing gibberish for my MA in Comedy Writing. Which I recently passed with a distinction. Yay! Yes, it transpires that even academics can be fooled into thinking gibberish is genius. Excellent. So anyway, I have written two sitcoms, a short film, a sketch show and a comedy-drama pilot for a series. Now, I have to see if I can get a producer or broadcaster interested in one or more of them. That’s the tricky part. Still, there’s a certain satisfaction in having written them and knowing that at least they made the examiners laugh. Now, onto other matters. God, the world is chaos. I can’t think of any time

janeturley 31 October 2023 10 Comments

Less is More (well that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it)

I’ve been practising my haikus, which you may recall, I’m not particularly good at. However, I wanted to address the woke issue in a concise, meaningful way as it is such a serious matter for discussion and particularly relevant to me as a comic writer. Which, if you know me, translates as: 1) I’m too lazy to write a long analytical post. And 2) I’d rather watch a movie and eat tortilla chips. However, I feel obliged to say my part. So here goes, and I am pleased to say that in the writing of the following haiku, I broke my own speed record! 45 seconds. Awesome. I might get 2 movies in tonight. Ok, here goes with the haiku. Man, I’m so fed up with this bat-shit wokey stuff head in the oven Now, where are my tortilla chips?

janeturley 2 February 2023 10 Comments

Sixteen Years On

So this post is just going to be a stream of possibly (wildly erratic) thoughts. So hang on to your breeches; we could go anywhere with them. Cripes, I only managed three posts last year. And I call myself a writer? Pathetic! Though, to be fair to me, almost everyone who was blogging with me in 2007/8 no longer blogs or blogs even less than I do now. A few later blogs are still going, so kudos to those writers because it is difficult finding time and inspiration when life gets in the way. I have actually now been writing this blog for sixteen years. Oh. Dear. God. Just think of all that crap out there on the Internet for my kids to read after I peg it. (Ho, ho, ho.) So you may be wondering if I’m still writing. Indeed I am, although I’m not working at

janeturley 8 January 2023 16 Comments

Are You Having A Laugh?

An ex-secret service agent with a personality problem and a desire for imperial glory. An aged president who looks like he’s got a giant fork prong stuck up his arse to keep him upright. A floppy-haired bumbling classics graduate with a predisposition for crass decisions. A tinpot dictator who showcases his weapons like a movie trailer. A comedian who has found himself elevated to global status. If the world wasn’t on the brink of war this surely would be the cast list of a first-class situation comedy.

janeturley 25 March 2022 5 Comments

What Happened to My Wine Gums?

Since my post earlier last night, I’ve been sorting my books and CDs, which until recently have been still packed in my basement in my new home. The basement (or glorified cellar if you wish) was one of the attractions of my new home – providing a place where I could hoard all my crap. I don’t use the word “crap” lightly, as it would indeed be crap to most people. However, I rather like hanging onto my personal crap. Most of which is a multitude of books. Of course, my books were about the only things the Ex didn’t request in the divorce settlement, so I still have them. Then again, maybe that’s not surprising given his reading material mainly consisted of car manuals and supermarket receipts. God, I am so restrained. After 5 years of divorce hell, I don’t know how I’ve managed to remain so diplomatic. Is

janeturley 11 March 2022 6 Comments

Timely Reflections

Contrary to my post last year saying I was back in the writing business, my time writing on my blog has been limited. Mainly that’s because after moving home, I started a new job with a national charity which subsequently sucked up all my time and energy. It left very little time for me to pursue my MA where I was not totally exhausted. So several weeks ago, I made the decision to leave so I could do myself justice in my MA. I was offered a part-time job in the cultural sector, which I accepted. The next day Russia invaded Ukraine. Several weeks later and 4 days into my new job, I’ve concluded I made the right decision even though a part-time job means I will have to live frugally at least until my MA finishes. I listen to the news and watch the terrible events unfolding in Ukraine,

janeturley 10 March 2022 5 Comments

Birdsong

Birdsong to Wokesong

Many years ago, I read Birdsong by Sebastian Faulks. It’s a terrific, emotive book that now sits on school syllabuses alongside other past literary masterpieces. If you’ve not read it then you’ve missed out. Anyhow, a few years later, whilst at The Cheltenham Literary Festival (a very prominent cultural affair in the UK), I happened to see Sebastian Faulks close up. I was climbing the stairs to take my seat early for his forthcoming talk, and to my surprise, I saw him seated in a room off the stairwell. He glanced up, and we looked at each other for a moment, and then I carried on walking up the stairs. I suspect he was wondering if I recognised him and whether I was going to solicit his attention for an autograph. Awkward. In fact, I was actually thinking, “He looks strangely attractive for a guy with red curly hair.” (I’d

janeturley 14 October 2021 7 Comments

And so I return…

The lights have been out on this blog for over a year, but now, at last, I return. I do so to remember what creative writing is like and unlock the key to my imagination. Where else better to do that than here, where my journey began 14 years ago. So, with a glass of gin in hand, let me begin. So first, there are two subjects to cover. Although I shall probably only cover them briefly here, it is almost impossible not to mention them. They are Covid 19 and my divorce. No doubt I will return to them again in due course. Fortunately, my immediate and extended family and I have been unaffected by Covid except in small, recoverable doses. But, regrettably, a number of my friends and acquaintances have lost relatives, and my former brother-in-law was hospitalised in intensive care. So, if you have lost relatives or

janeturley 12 October 2021 18 Comments