A to Z: B is for Badass Brits.

Now, when I think of Badass Brits, I think of the likes of Jason Statham and Vinny Jones. Men with humble, working-class backgrounds who’ve made good and have a reputation as hard men in films. The kind of men who, 100 years ago, might have worked 12-hour shifts down the mines and still come home and dug the garden over.

Not like our present PM, Keir Starmer, who keeps trying to pass himself off as the son of a working-class toolmaker when, in fact, his father owned the tool factory.

Now, I do believe Herr Starmer knows a lot about tools. (I’ve heard he still works with them on a daily basis.) In fact, I heard he was able to build a cabinet with his tools, which frankly seems amazing given that rumour has it his tools are actually flaky cheap imports. They are definitely not power tools anyway.

Actually, I’ve heard Herr Starmer has more of an interest in hand tools, particularly vices and clamps. You can do a lot with vices, especially if you have a big hammer, a screwdriver, and maybe even a few attachments. In fact, given Keir’s family’s interest in tools, I’ve often wondered why he went into the legal profession when he could have gone into engineering in a bigger way. I mean, who isn’t interested in pistons and rods? I am. There’s nothing I like better than watching a firing piston. Hence, I spent so much time watching Thomas the Tank Engine with my kids. Secretly, I reckon Keir does too.

Yeah, so Kier is handy with tools. But is he a badass? A badass who will save the UK from terminal decline and cultural division?

Ah…probably not.

Yep, the UK is in terminal decline. It is so sad to see my birthplace, a land I have cherished and loved for sixty years, disintegrate into a cesspit.

But it’s not over yet. Something is happening. There is change afoot.

It whispers in the air. It sidles on the streets. And every now and again, it flickers on the faces of ordinary men.

Change is coming.

This change will not come from toolmakers or Whitehall civil servants. It will come from badass men like Jason Statham and Vinnie Jone—men who, like their forefathers, fought for Freedom and Democracy, for their women and children, for their King and country.

These will be the badass men in whose hands we, the people, will put our trust.