My Nominees for the US and UK Elections and Other Waffle

It’s the early hours of the morning, and I have had a large gin…

Late-night alcohol is always a good recipe for writing gibberish. And I have not written gibberish for a while on my blog as I have been busy writing gibberish for my MA in Comedy Writing. Which I recently passed with a distinction. Yay!

Yes, it transpires that even academics can be fooled into thinking gibberish is genius. Excellent.

So anyway, I have written two sitcoms, a short film, a sketch show and a comedy-drama pilot for a series. Now, I have to see if I can get a producer or broadcaster interested in one or more of them. That’s the tricky part. Still, there’s a certain satisfaction in having written them and knowing that at least they made the examiners laugh.

Now, onto other matters. God, the world is chaos. I can’t think of any time in my life when the UK and the world have been in such dire need of a complete reset. War in Europe, war in the Middle East, the evergrowing impact of climate change, economic recession, rising fuel prices and woke wars. 1300% rise in antisemitism in the UK since October 7th.

What a miserable world it is at the moment.

I can’t even release the tension by looking at The Daily Mail’s  “Wall of Shame” because I haven’t even heard of 95% of the people on it. I am actually thinking of taking out a subscription to SAGA instead. I guess I might as well read about cheap funeral plans and medical insurance for the over 50s.

It’s a wonder I could find anything funny to write about for my MA. Especially since comedy and comedians are frequently being attacked by the woke ideologists. I was so disappointed by Richard Curtis apologising for writing jokes about fat people the other day, which was primarily a reference to his script for the film Bridget Jones Diary.

Which is based on the book by Helen Fielding. A woman.

I really thought Richard Curtis had more gumption. Turns out he hasn’t. I don’t know what he has even got to fear, considering he’s made his fortune, and if he never writes anything again, he won’t be short of a bob or two.

Kudos to J K Rowling: A woman of steel and principles. It’s a shame women don’t have more positions of power. Maybe the world wouldn’t be full of dictators and power-hungry nut jobs.

Rant over. (Temporarily, anyway.)

Anyway, it was relatively easy to find funny stuff to write about for my MA. There is still a lot that is funny in the world. I used a lot of my personal experiences as a jumping board for ideas and then let my imagination do the rest. And I don’t worry about who I might offend in my personal writing and whether I am PC or not. I am too old to worry about that, and what’s more, I believe the average person is capable of distinguishing when a joke is actually a joke and not an offensive diatribe. We need to laugh at ourselves and others – if we don’t, we’ll all go mad or end up like one of those who seem to find offence in everything. No doubt they could even find offence in their own reflections if they tried.

On a completely unrelated matter, when I see pictures of Vladimir Putin, I can’t help thinking of Davros from Dr Who. I reckon Putin does use body doubles of his younger self, and below is what he actually looks like now.

The blue ball is apparently an eye. I think it’s actually where Putin’s frontal lobotomy went wrong, and they had to insert a giant marble to fill up the vacuum.

To be fair to Putin, he does seem to possess more of his marbles than Biden. Of course, that isn’t hard. Let’s face it: anyone who makes Biden look like a genius can’t be functioning to the best of his ability. Or be functioning at all. I am gobsmacked that either of them is still alive, considering Putin seems to have had every illness possible, according to The Daily Fail. And Biden…well, he does a superb impression of the living dead. How can he possibly run for office again? You might as well elect Big Bird.

My proposed candidates for the next US Election

Big Bird – “I’ve Got A Beak, And I’m Prepared To Use It,” Party. (Pretty sure he’ll negotiate the exodus of grain supplies from Ukraine.)

Joey from Friends – The “How Ya Doin’?”  Party – (Why not? He might be thick, but he’s got a tuxedo and the ladies like him. He can also say his lines properly.)

Taylor Swift – The “Musical Chairs” Party – (I just want to hear the break-up music when she gets kicked out of office.)

My Proposed Candidates for the next UK Election

Dr Who – “The Sonic Screwdriver Party”  (Well, nothing else has worked correcting the wrongs, so we might as well try the screwdriver.)

Jimmy Carr – “The Jokers” Party (Oh, come on – we all want to hear some jokes about Putin’s mum.)

Hugh Grant – “The Dance Moves” Party. (Hugh’s got real rhythm and grove. So, even if he screwed up more than the current bunch of wasters, at least we’d all get fit.)

Right, time to check out the latest news headlines…

ARGH…