I wish I was Jason Statham

Wouldn’t it be fantastic to be Jason Statham?

Now the reason I am saying this is because I don’t like to be a depressed author so I’d rather pretend to be someone else if that stops me sinking into one of those boozy morbid phases authors are known for. Now there are a good many reasons why an author might be depressed, even one as buoyant as me. I might list some of those reasons in detail one day. However, yesterday was one of those days when I had to do some therapeutic acting. Yep, I pretended I was Jason Statham pulverizing some no-good con artist into a pulp. (In my imagination obviously – Mr T wouldn’t be too happy about me kicking his butt and demolishing the kitchen)

Rather like this:

Now you may wonder what brought on this rather bizarre behaviour.

Well, it was because yesterday I discovered that one of my books which had been won in a book giveaway and which I had sent to the winner (personally inscribed and beautifully gift-wrapped) was for sale on Ebay.

I was as a mad as hell. Oh yes.

Now I was kinda hoping that my short story collection was going to a book lover who might even enjoy my stories enough to review them. Sadly, that was the not case. The winner was obviously someone who enters numerous competitions and sells his winnings off to line his own pockets.  Unfortunately, this revelation came on the back of discovering that my books (and indeed many other authors’ books) are being illegally used all over the net on scam/piracy sites to con readers out of the personal details, infect computers or defraud authors of earnings.

Oh, and let’s not forget the book reviewers who supposedly can’t get their digital files to work, request an Amazon copy from you and instantly return it so they can fleece money out of you. They probably don’t think we notice – but we do.

Anyway, let’s not go into all the sordid details. It’s not a pretty place. Let’s just stick to this latest incident. Now I mentioned what I discovered yesterday on one of my writing forums and some of my writing friends took a very liberal view and said this particular gentleman night well be selling my book for charity or simply because he’d run out of room on his book shelves. One even quoted Francis of Assisi to me.

Obviously I have some very generous-spirited writer friends. Kudos to them for them for being so kind-hearted. Unfortunately, I am a bit more of a cynic.

The bottom line is authors are getting ripped-off all over the net. There is a whole industry scamming authors and very few authors are in the position to do anything about it without investing a lot of time and money. The lack of morals among some of these scam artists is truly astounding. Perhaps the success of authors like J K Rowling, Stephen King and E L James has left the impression that all authors are flush with cash when the truth is the exact opposite. In fact, most authors have virtually no income at all from their writing and support themselves with other jobs or are supported by partners or live on the breadline. But this is more than about loss of income. It is about the sheer lack of respect for the law and for authors who may have taken years honing their skills and writing their novels. It’s callous, selfish, illegal and immoral behaviour. Obviously my latest experience was not illegal one – but it still leaves a very bitter taste in my mouth.

So a word of warning for anyone who thinks becoming an author is a one way ticket to fame and fortune – it’s not. Do not go into publishing unless you a have a very,very thick skin. Because I assure you – you will need it. Be prepared to be rejected, humiliated, scammed and cold-shouldered more times than you can ever imagine.

Anyway, yesterday was a bit of a milestone for me. I decided I am going to start fighting back. So the first thing I am gonna do is write a movie script where the lead role is a frustrated author (played by Jason Statham) who take his kick-ass revenge on pirates, scammers and sour-puss reviewers who fleece money and books out of authors with no intention of ever reviewing.  I haven’t decided what the title will be yet but here’s some possibilities:

Trial by Author.

Kick-Ass Author

Revenge of the Unholy Author

The Author and The AK47 Submachine Gun

Lethal Author

Taken (by an Author)

Fuck You Mother-Fucker Scammer

The Expendables 4 –  The Book of Judgement. (Statham, Stallone, Schwarzenegger take on a piracy cartel and shoot the fuck out of them.)

Well you get the idea. It’ll probably start something like this:

Now just to end with I want to thank all of you who have purchased, reviewed or sent me messages about my books. Without you it would be hard to keep up my enthusiasm for writing. I truly appreciate you support.

The music in the video is Volatile Reaction by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) 
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/