Yet another rant from Mrs T involving a letter to the English Cricket Board

Have you heard the tragic news, readers?

Kevin Pietersen has not been selected for the next English cricket tour. His career with England is over.

Okay, a quick explanation for my American friends: Kevin Pietersen is to English cricket what Michael Phelps is to USA swimming. Only Kevin doesn’t pee on the pitch like Michael pees in the pool and Kevin has a bigger mouth.

Right, so Kevin has not been selected to play for England. I am disgusted, mortified, shocked, sickened, etc etc etc at this decision. Now I’m not even going to mention Kevin’s vital statistics (rumour has it they’re pretty darn good – even the ones with his bat) but, in addition to his stats, Kevin is “hot”. I mean seriously “hot” and we ladies, who must suffer hours of watching international test cricket, need something decent to look at every now and then. And, believe me, the only thing that stops me from hanging myself whilst watching another England defeat is the thought of a close-up of Kevin.

Anyway, I’m drafting a letter to the English Cricket Board to register my dissatisfaction. It goes something like this:

Dear Miserable Old Farts,

WE WANT KEVIN PIETERSEN

Yours sincerely,

Mrs Jane Turley, Housewife Extraordinare.

Ps Please remember how boring Boycott was. Do you really want to be responsible for mass suicide?

Right, if any of you ladies or gents out there feel I’ve forgotten to mention anything important in my letter, please let me know so I can make amendments.

Kevin Pietersen in his shades. Cool. Did Boycott ever look that cool? I can’t say I noticed – I was usually in a deep coma.
(Picture courtesy of Wikipedia, fair use)

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G. B. Miller says:

12 February 2014 at 12:45 PM

Ooooooooooooooookay.

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