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The often dubious, politically incorrect and mainly humorous musings of Ms Jane Turley, (Ex) Housewife Extraordinaire.

Me and My Laundry Pile – A Short and Sorry Tale of Ironing Incompetence.

Oh. Dear. God. I am in serious trouble, Readers.

My ironing pile has spiralled out of control. (I’m not even mentioning the dirty washing pile.) I have no idea where to start. I look in the utility room and I just want to die. Or at least get therapy.

I’m not sure if I can afford the therapy but I’m pretty sure that Mr T will wring my neck when he opens his wardrobe tomorrow morning and finds there isn’t shirt.

I hate ironing. How do some people run ironing businesses? I would rather swim naked in a large pool of sewerage than iron for a living.

I was not destined to be a housewife. I was destined to be something else. Maybe a taxidermist. At least then I’d have somewhere to stuff my laundry out of sight.

Help.
Latest Posts
New Website
14 March 2025 No Comments

After 18 years on another CMS, I have moved my blog to a more versatile platform. However, it will take some time while I perform some jiggery-pokery to get it exactly how I want it. So please bear with me as things fall off the page, are posted upside down and so on. It has also beome apparent that I will have to edit hundreds of posts as importing them has screwed up all the post layouts, especially paragraphs. This

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A Chicken Nugget A Day Keeps Justice Away
10 February 2025 No Comments

I have been forced. Yes, forced to come out of blog hibernation to comment on the latest scandal to hit the UK. God knows I have been tempted multiple times in the last few years to comment on some of the insane things happening in the UK and in the world, but sadly, life has just thrown too many curve balls at me. But today, I can take no more – I cannot keep my mouth shut any longer over

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My Nominees for the US and UK Elections and Other Waffle
31 October 2023 1 Comment

It’s the early hours of the morning, and I have had a large gin… Late-night alcohol is always a good recipe for writing gibberish. And I have not written gibberish for a while on my blog as I have been busy writing gibberish for my MA in Comedy Writing. Which I recently passed with a distinction. Yay! Yes, it transpires that even academics can be fooled into thinking gibberish is genius. Excellent. So anyway, I have written two sitcoms, a

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Less is More (well that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it)
2 February 2023 2 Comments

I’ve been practising my haikus, which you may recall, I’m not particularly good at. However, I wanted to address the woke issue in a concise, meaningful way as it is such a serious matter for discussion and particularly relevant to me as a comic writer. Which, if you know me,  translates as: 1) I’m too lazy to write a long analytical post. And 2) I’d rather watch a movie and eat tortilla chips. However, I feel obliged to say my

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Sixteen Years On
8 January 2023 7 Comments

So this post is just going to be a stream of possibly (wildly erratic) thoughts. So hang on to your breeches; we could go anywhere with them.   Cripes, I only managed three posts last year. And I call myself a writer? Pathetic! Though, to be fair to me, almost everyone who was blogging with me in 2007/8 no longer blogs or blogs even less than I do now. A few later blogs are still going, so kudos to those

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Are You Having A Laugh?
25 March 2022 1 Comment

An ex-secret service agent with a personality problem and a desire for imperial glory. An aged president who looks like he’s got a giant fork prong stuck up his arse to keep him upright. A floppy-haired bumbling classics graduate with a predisposition for crass decisions. A tinpot dictator who showcases his weapons like a movie trailer. A comedian who has found himself elevated to global status.  If the world wasn’t on the brink of war this surely would be the

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10 responses

  1. Me,too. I share your disdain for laundry. My husband packs it all up every other week and takes it away to lady who, for ten little dollars, miraculously turns the dirty pile into a stack of clean folded clothing, sheets, and towels. I love my laundry lady.

    Reply

  4. I am still working on it, Mrs A. I have managed to do it several times but need to get have a set plan. Deliver on Monday, collect on Thursday etc etc. The weekends have been extra busy of late with tennis which means I have been even more incompetant than usual….

    Reply

  9. Brilliant photo. It's just so … real. I am so fed up with looking for a house to buy (and not finding one). Along the way, there are the photos of rooms which range from show home (new furniture with a tall vase with a twig in it) to 'lived in' by people who are never there (used furniture, no tall vases with twigs in cluttering the place up). It's like a parallel universe …

    Keep those blogs coming, Mrs T. I'm working through your recent ones. There's been a gap as I switched to Google Chrome and lost all my bookmarked pages. D'oh!

    Reply

  10. I'd love to live in an uncluttered home with a vase with a singular twig in it, Mrs B. Oh sweet dreams!

    Unfortunately, I'm stuck with my laundry hell hole. It never seems to get any better….

    Reply

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Nikki on the BBC Column Mum's The Word
Nikki on the BBC Column Mum's The Word
"This book is by far one of the funniest I have ever read."
Amazon Reviewer
Amazon Reviewer
"I just loved this book so much. Could not put it down once I started and definitely couldn't drink anything while reading it or I would have sprayed it all over my Kindle. I can't wait to read more from Jane Turley, a truly great author. My son and husband both just look at me strangely while reading cause I would just burst out laughing or tear up one minute or another. Very very good book."
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Amazon Reviewer
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Jane Gill, Bedfordshire Libaries.
"Concrete but mysterious, "No Returns" reads more like a prose poem, full of exquisite turns of phrase such as the deep purple essence dilutes to shadows of lilac bindweed, warm, inviting. This is a desperate woman's life in miniature, full of sexually poignant poetry and glimpse of everyday strangeness. A worthy winner."
Ray Robinson, AuthorCEO
“Wry and self-deprecating ....verging on verbal slapstick at times... packed with sustained intelligent humor and certainly funnier than most ....”
Nomination in Blogger's Choice Awards 2008
"Readwave are enormously pleased to publish Jane Turley's chilling but poignant story The Princess and the Thief, and we're even more delighted to bring this story across the world through our Worldreader programme."
Readwave CEOCEO
You know how women like to waffle on a bit? Well, every once in a million, one of them comes along that is so funny, you don't want them to stop. Not for a second. Natural talent combined with a great story makes this a must read. Buy it, believe me, you won't be disappointed."
Amazon Review
"Having been a follower of Jane's Blog for a number of years I have learnt not to drink whilst reading her blogs having once sprayed tea over my laptop with laughter. This book was no exception. For those with a weak bladder reading on the toilet or wearing TENA pants would be advisable."
Amazon Revieweer
"I could not put this book down until I finished it. Sandy life will make you laugh and cry. But her life is just like yours and mine. So many things to do and so many difficult choices to make. This is a comedy drama book that is a "must read.""
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