The Problems of Language

Language can be a bit of a problem. Speech can be a bit of a problem. If you’re an Irish Jew with a speech impediment it might be a bit of a problem. (Although the good news is that you will get a job on the BBC.)

What I’m trying to say is: sometimes language and accents can be a barrier to good communication. To which I offer up this following true story:

Earlier today, The Good Mr T and Young Master Benedict are travelling by car to a cricket match. Mr T takes a call from a work colleague on his speaker phone. They conduct a conversation. Master Ben is, as they say, “all ears”. The conversation ends.

Master Ben: Dad?

Mr T: Yes?

Master Ben: Is Ian…a retard? Because he can’t talk properly.

Mr T: He’s Scottish.

Next year the Scots vote on whether to stay in the Union. My guess is that they will – things
just haven’t been the same since Connor Macleod chopped that weird geezer’s head off and became a mortal.

So there you have it – a succinct story about the problems of communication. Luckily, I have Scottish, Irish and Welsh blood in me as well as my native English blood which means generally I have no problem understanding all the gobbledygook the Scots, Irish and Welsh speak. It also means I know when to expect the phlegm -thus avoiding repeatedly changing my tee shirt. Alas, Master Ben has more English blood in him which means his ears are not quite so fine-tuned.

The English are all for the Scots voting out of the union. You can see why from the pictures above. Also, it’s become increasingly scary since they began pairing up on their visits Down South. Still, there’s no doubt about it Andy Murray has captured our English hearts. Apparently Adidas are even bringing out a whole new range of tartan tennis gear. I will be first in the queue. I’m not sure if Andy will enjoy wearing the tartan miniskirt on centre court but he’ll definitely get a lot of approval from the crowd.

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