Facebook Twitter Youtube
2500 x 500

The often dubious, politically incorrect and mainly humorous musings of Ms Jane Turley, (Ex) Housewife Extraordinaire.

#AtoZChallenge 2025

Hold me back – I’m gonna blow soon

Almost everyday I see them. They are everywhere; on street corners, in town centres, in the parks, propped up against railings and walls.

They are driving me insane. When I see them I am physically repulsed. Sometimes the sight is so bad my eyeballs are practically popping out of my head.

Recently though, not only has my stomach been even more queasy than normal but I have found words bubbling in my throat, tripping around tongue, imploring me to allow them to burst forth.

Any day soon Readers I know that fateful moment is going to arrive when I wind down the window on my car and yell…

“PULL UP YOUR TROUSERS – I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOUR BUTT!”

Yep, and when I get a mouthful of abuse in return I shall give my parting shot…
“Nice cheeks – shame about the boils.”

Yep, I can’t stand them any longer. I mean why bother? Why not just walk around in your underwear. In fact why not roll up your trousers and stick them on your head. You could go camping in them – put the flies over your head and you have an instant zip up tent or you could starch them and use them as teepee.Or why not just go the whole hog and leave the legs flopping either side of your head and swear allegiance to Bugs Bunny. Cos let’s face it with your butt hanging out for everyone to see you might as well be a full time clown.
Latest Posts
A to Z: B is for Badass Brits.
2 April 2025 2 Comments

Now, when I think of Badass Brits, I think of the likes of Jason Statham and Vinny Jones. Men with humble, working-class backgrounds who’ve made good and have a reputation as hard men in films. The kind of men who, 100 years ago, might have worked 12-hour shifts down the mines and still come home and dug the garden over.       Not like our present PM, Keir Starmer, who keeps trying to pass himself off as the son

Read More »
A to Z: Age is for Ageism
28 March 2025 8 Comments

So, I reckon we should start off the A to Z with a rant on ageism and generally being old (read f***** over for the less sensitive amongst you.)   I know it’s hard to believe, but I started writing this blog in 2007 when I was 42. This makes me a dinosaur amongst the blogging community (i.e., I’m verging on the extinct), and last month, I turned 60.   Now, I know the kinder amongst you will be saying, “How

Read More »
New Website
14 March 2025 4 Comments

After 18 years on another CMS, I have moved my blog to a more versatile platform. However, it will take some time while I perform some jiggery-pokery to get it exactly how I want it. So please bear with me as things fall off the page, are posted upside down and so on. It has also beome apparent that I will have to edit hundreds of posts as importing them has screwed up all the post layouts, especially paragraphs. This

Read More »
A Chicken Nugget A Day Keeps Justice Away
10 February 2025 No Comments

I have been forced. Yes, forced to come out of blog hibernation to comment on the latest scandal to hit the UK. God knows I have been tempted multiple times in the last few years to comment on some of the insane things happening in the UK and in the world, but sadly, life has just thrown too many curve balls at me. But today, I can take no more – I cannot keep my mouth shut any longer over

Read More »
My Nominees for the US and UK Elections and Other Waffle
31 October 2023 5 Comments

It’s the early hours of the morning, and I have had a large gin… Late-night alcohol is always a good recipe for writing gibberish. And I have not written gibberish for a while on my blog as I have been busy writing gibberish for my MA in Comedy Writing. Which I recently passed with a distinction. Yay! Yes, it transpires that even academics can be fooled into thinking gibberish is genius. Excellent. So anyway, I have written two sitcoms, a

Read More »
Less is More (well that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it)
2 February 2023 4 Comments

I’ve been practising my haikus, which you may recall, I’m not particularly good at. However, I wanted to address the woke issue in a concise, meaningful way as it is such a serious matter for discussion and particularly relevant to me as a comic writer. Which, if you know me,  translates as: 1) I’m too lazy to write a long analytical post. And 2) I’d rather watch a movie and eat tortilla chips. However, I feel obliged to say my

Read More »

4 responses

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

“Brilliant, could identify with all of this! Thank you for making me smile today! ”
Nikki on the BBC Column Mum's The Word
Nikki on the BBC Column Mum's The Word
"This book is by far one of the funniest I have ever read."
Amazon Reviewer
Amazon Reviewer
"I just loved this book so much. Could not put it down once I started and definitely couldn't drink anything while reading it or I would have sprayed it all over my Kindle. I can't wait to read more from Jane Turley, a truly great author. My son and husband both just look at me strangely while reading cause I would just burst out laughing or tear up one minute or another. Very very good book."
Amazon Reviewer
Amazon Reviewer
"I just wanted to say a big thank you for the lovely author event you did for us on February 20th. It was well put together and very interesting. You certainly kept the audience enthralled with your experiences of self-publishing."
Jane Gill, Bedfordshire Libaries.
"Concrete but mysterious, "No Returns" reads more like a prose poem, full of exquisite turns of phrase such as the deep purple essence dilutes to shadows of lilac bindweed, warm, inviting. This is a desperate woman's life in miniature, full of sexually poignant poetry and glimpse of everyday strangeness. A worthy winner."
Ray Robinson, AuthorCEO
“Wry and self-deprecating ....verging on verbal slapstick at times... packed with sustained intelligent humor and certainly funnier than most ....”
Nomination in Blogger's Choice Awards 2008
"Readwave are enormously pleased to publish Jane Turley's chilling but poignant story The Princess and the Thief, and we're even more delighted to bring this story across the world through our Worldreader programme."
Readwave CEOCEO
You know how women like to waffle on a bit? Well, every once in a million, one of them comes along that is so funny, you don't want them to stop. Not for a second. Natural talent combined with a great story makes this a must read. Buy it, believe me, you won't be disappointed."
Amazon Review
"Having been a follower of Jane's Blog for a number of years I have learnt not to drink whilst reading her blogs having once sprayed tea over my laptop with laughter. This book was no exception. For those with a weak bladder reading on the toilet or wearing TENA pants would be advisable."
Amazon Revieweer
"I could not put this book down until I finished it. Sandy life will make you laugh and cry. But her life is just like yours and mine. So many things to do and so many difficult choices to make. This is a comedy drama book that is a "must read.""
Amazon Reviewer