That’s it! I’ve finally discovered how I can become a fashion tycoon, the new Vivien Westwood of jewellery design and guru of ludicrously overpriced fashion. In a matter of weeks, I, Mrs Turley Housewife Extraordinaire, will become a Fashionista Extraordinaire and multi-millionaire businesswoman. People will be paying me huge amounts of cash to design ridiculously overpriced jewellery and accessories which I will then flog to poor unsuspecting fools! (Readers of Okay and Hello probably.)
Oh hurrah, hurrah, hurrah! My salvation from the kitchen sink has come at last!
So last week (after I’d been admiring my extensive gem collection for several days) I was alleviating the boredom of doing my daily tasks by chuckling to myself about my friends’ interest in knitted jewellery and sheep’s baubles.
Anyway, so there I was in the utility room, when suddenly it struck me – how I could be rich overnight by designing my own range of jewellery with my own new revolutionary products – made not from sheep’s wool… or goat skin…. or leather
but…
tumble drier fluff.
Which, folks, has remarkably similar properties to sheep’s wool, costs absolutely nothing to produce (as it is a by product of my tumble drying) and has the added bonus of being able to be shaped anyway you wish into stylish, desirable jewellery. (So long as you don’t wear it in the rain.)
I am on to a winner!
Okay, so let’s look at the raw material;
See how similar it is to sheep’s wool? I think I will start with a range of jewellery but quickly move onto jumpers and cardigans. I may even get a Royal Warrant! Hmm… Designer to Her Majesty…sounds perfect…
Right, let’s see how I got on and see my first effort. Here’s some stylish earrings;
As you can see, it took me simply ages to style the fluff into that modern abstract design. But I think it works – what do you think?
Now let’s have a look at my second attempt – following the fashion for “big” jewellery, I thought I’d go for something really eye-catching and striking….
I think this one is particularly successful. I can see hoards of people wanting to snatch this up! Also, I’m thinking that if I add a bit of gold paint spray it would make the perfect gift for a gentleman to give the special woman in his life at Christmas.
And finally readers my piece de resistance;
This is my favourite – in keeping with the “organic” feel of my range I’ve added some chilli flavoured pasta- I think the contrasting colours really work.
Now, if you would like to purchase these lovely items just let me know – alternatively you might want to hang on and take a look at my contemporary hat range coming later this week!
11 responses
The chilli pasta one surely looks organic. Way to go Mrs. T! Btw, did you know that in the US of A one can send the pet hairs one collects from all around the house and have it sent somewhere, where they knit it into various articles?? http://www.vipfibers.com/ Take a look at this link and think what you could do with that!!
Oh My Goodness Sue – I have just taken a look at that link – and I'm in AWE, utter AWE, of U S originality! (I think that's the politest way of putting it…) To think I have missed out a new scarf and matching mittens because I didn't shave my poor departed pussys… I am fool! How can I compete with tumble drier fluff in the face of this unique and personalized product…
Hmm.. I wonder if my neighbour will miss her cats….
I look forward to the nuances of color and texture you'll achieve as you fine tune your dryer mixology. Can I put an order in for the lint from a blue towel, green sweater and a couple of white athletic socks, please? I envision lovely dangling earrings…
Hmm… that sounds a challenging order, Heather – particularly as most of my washing has a greyish tinge to it…hence the grey tumble drier fluff… However, I shall try my very best!
I wonder if you would be interested in some of my forthcoming tummy button fluff creations? I am thinking of branching out into nasal piercings…
Jane, sheer genius!! I quite like the neolithic look of the pasta piece. Brilliant! You will be the Philip Treacy of lint jewelry!
Just don't forget us little people down here when you get to the top.
What a great idea! Your next step (as a Fashionista Extraordinaire), will be to ensure that crumpled clothing is seen as cool. Sort of shabby chic, thus eliminating ironing. Brilliant!
Martin, that is a perfect, perfect idea! I love it!
Right, first I need to sell the idea to Mr T…
Hmmm…could be bit of a problem…
Marie,
Neolihtic? I think that perfectly desribes that piece – it shall be the lead piece in the "Earth Mother Neolithic Range" – I think for those who buy the entire range I might give away a free nit comb. What do you think?
Naturally, i will not forget my friends Marie – I intend to be a patron of the little people!
(Anyone under 4ft 3 in.)
I think this is really important work Jane. I love how the barely noticed sois disant detritus of a leisured society has been brought into focus, and given pre-eminence over the precious jewels of a more distant age. It's an ironic and coruscating indictment of both the human cost of acquiring and displaying wealth and the transience of what fashion deems to be valuable.
Stop this nonsense immediately, Mrs T! (Or I will book you a table at the next 'Crafty Fayre' in town.)
I like Nonsense Mrs B – it suits me much better than a serious outlook:)