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The often dubious, politically incorrect and mainly humorous musings of Ms Jane Turley, (Ex) Housewife Extraordinaire.

#AtoZChallenge 2025

Heavenly Thoughts

What is heaven? Is heaven something that only exists in the mind? Or is there a physical heaven too? There are so many intriguing questions about heaven, none of which we will know the answers until we make our own journey to heaven. Over at The View from Here I discuss the heaven that the authors Alice Sebold and W.M Paul Young envision in their best selling novels The Lovely Bones and The Shack in my article Stairways to Heaven: The Lovely Bones meets The Shack. Of course some of you will realise that I cribbed the title of my article from the Led Zeppelin song Stairway to Heaven which is a classic rock tune. If you haven’t heard of it, then have a listen now;


But now I want to talk about that other kind of heaven – the heaven we have on earth! I guess most of us associate heaven on earth as being “in love.” So many songs have been written with the themes of heaven and love entwined. Heaven on Earth by Belinda Carisle springs to mind, as does the BeeGees’ Too Much Heaven and Bryan Adams Heaven. But, of course, there’s the other kind of heaven;

Chocolate Heaven!

Okay, as it’s Easter and lots of you will be indulging in chocolate I think we should really get into the mood with a look at some seriously chocolatey stuff from the woman who made cooking sexy, Nigella Lawson.

Blimey, that woman should be censored. She is practically making love to that cheesecake! Or is the cameraman – or both? Outrageous! I’m assuming she actually eats her own cooking – so how on earth does she look so slim and sexy?  If I ate cheesecake like that (or indeed any cheesecake) I would be the size of  the Michelin Man!

But imagine being paid to cook like Nigella? Crikey, I think even I could feign interest in cooking if someone was going to pay me a fortune to slobber all over it and use the utensils in a provocative manner. Still, Nigella may be a great cook but let me tell you when it comes to making love to chocolate – I can do things to a Cadbury’s Creme Egg that put Nigella into the amateur stakes.

And I’m not even going to talk about Cadbury’s Flakes.

Anyway if you really want to know what I think about cooking you need to read my blog To Cook or not to Cook. (No prizes for guessing the right answer.) However, I noted today that the lovely Nigella may soon be ousted by the younger Sophie Dahl, ex model and granddaughter of Roald Dahl, who has just started to ham things up on the BBC in a major way on her own cooking show. Soon Sophie and Nigella will be slogging it out for the title of Queen of the Cream Cheeses. Good Luck to them – I’ll be watching the cooking slot on Blue Peter.

Celebrity chefs really wind me up. What the BBC needs is a real mum like me! Not one of these mums from privileged background who’ve probably never even seen a can of Baked Beans. They need a mum who knows what to do with a can of slushy peas, tomato ketchup and some beef gravy granules! I would be the perfect candidate -someone who could be an inspiration to the masses! Cos believe me, I can be really, really inventive in the kitchen  – especially when it comes to disguising burnt offerings.

Yep, they should definitely give me my own cooking show. There’s no doubt in my mind that it would be the most hysterical show on TV. Probably not for the right reasons – but a sure fire winner anyway!

Happy Easter Everyone!

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12 responses

  1. Don't get me started on Sophie Dahl… I can probably outdo my Nigella rant.

    Anyway I have just made kirsch/brandy milk chocolate truffles and curacao/grand marnier dark choc ones. Just thought I'd mention it.

    How did you get on with the new Dr Who?

  2. Mmmmm Mrs A those choccys sound palatable -very platatable indeed. Will you be requiring a tester? Or will these Easter Choccys find a place in granny's basket?

    Young Matt was better than I expected. Of course, he is playing The Dr with the same degree of madness as David – but I think manages to carry it off. Unfortuntely, I still find David a little more pleasing on the eye:)

    The plot was a bit weak though – no indication of why Prisoner Zero was held captive – and assuming he had immense powers why didn't he use them to greater effect? Irritating. Looks like some interesting episodes coming up though… thought they might have moved away from the Daleks and the Cybermen though. I can hack the Daleks but the Cyberman are pretty useless *******! Even I could take out one of them with a frying pan.

  3. Too much Cherry Ripple, Mrs T? Or is it blancmange? Maybe a strawberry sorbet? I'm certainly noticing something different about your blog. And all your talk of food has made me hungry. As for this year's delivery from the Easter Bun – I think I'm going to have to ration it out until next Easter.

    Hope you had a great one.

  4. Thank You Gary:)

    Yep, my sexy legs disappearared last week for reasons I have yet to ascertain – so I had to go for something else a little girlie instead:)

    PB – Hope you're having a great Easter too:)

    Re – the food stakes – I am going on a major diet tomorrow – we have a big family wedding coming up next January so no more chocolate!!

  5. Thanks Heather – that's the kind of support I need to get my own TV show:) I already dreaming up some recipes – thought I'd try some variations of the baked bean dish – maybe baked beans on crumpets topped with cheese or mabe even baked beans mushed up and made into soup? Yeah, I think I could go a long, long way with this cooking lark………

  6. I think it's important to give the full cooking experience: 1) What cushy chair is best to sit in while directing the stirring, mixing and baking. 2) How to best prop your feet to avoid unnecessary strain on the back while sampling. 3) What wine goes best with reading cookbook instructions to your kitchen help?

  7. Excellent, excellent Heather. This is exactly the kind of advice I need – in fact, I think you should be the director of the show. Mrs A can be the producer – cos she know a lot about wine and chocolate which may feature quite heavily:)

    I'm not sure about a standard chair…I'm thinking more about a chaise-longue?? Hmm… that kind appeals…. maybe a young man to do the stirring…..

  8. Exactly. The visual is good, and I'm a heck of a director. We need to discuss colors for your toe nail polish and the chaise lounge(I'm seeing rich rosy hues here), the Jane Turley Cuisine line (just open can and/or add water) and what we'll wear to the inevitable award ceremonies (I'd be SO embarrassed if we chose the same gowns).

  9. Ah..yes Heather the toenail polish is important – I need to distract folks from my athletes foot and verrucas whilst I'm lounging on my chaise longue just wearing my skimpy apron!

    My own cuisine line? I like it! Well if Paul Newman can do it – no reason I can't – I mean what's he got that I haven't ?!

    Oh yes, I can see the award ceremonies now – best director (obviously) best chef, best comedy… No need to worry about the gown situation though I'll just wear my diamond/baked bean encrusted pinny:)

  10. I love the cuisine line idea–just open & add water kind is perfect, with a pic on the can of said sexy legs with politically incorrect nail polish too. Just my kind of cuisine.

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