2500 x 500

The often dubious, politically incorrect and mainly humorous musings of Ms Jane Turley, (Ex) Housewife Extraordinaire.

#AtoZChallenge 2025

Catching up….

Yesterday while I was trawling back through my blog for some of my favourite posts (see sidebar) I noticed that I hadn’t done the final instalment on my quest for The Blarney Stone. So I feel I must just quickly bring the story of my summer vacation to Ireland to an end.

I didn’t find the Blarney Stone. Damn.

Probably just as well don’t you think? I never wanted to be a politician anyway.

However, I did find something else……

On the return journey, I was on the boat feeling rather joyous knowing that later that same night I would be in my own bed. I’m rather particular about beds. I like them very soft not those tortuous “Excellent support for your back” kind of beds that are like sleeping on a layer of reinforced concrete. Anyway, I was fantasizing about my bed and encountering The Milk Tray Man when suddenly I heard a voice calling to me…..

“Mrs T, Mrs T….. Come hither, come hither….”

It was a seductive, mystical voice …. I felt my body being lifted out of my seat and being pulled gently across the boat……

“Mrs T, Mrs T …Come hither, come hither…..”

I threaded my way across the boat, the crowds opening before me like the parting of the Red Sea…I could not fight this strange overwhelming force….

“A little further Mrs T, a little further….”

My limbs became weak, I felt all resistance seep out of me…. A sweet lingering fragrance began to intoxicate me…. My spirit was lost… I was trapped in the power of the magic….

Suddenly a sharp voice broke me out of my trance…

“Will that be a large bottle of No5 or No 19 Madam?”

“I’ll take both….”

Mmmm…Chanel…..

Copyright Jane Turley 2009

Latest Posts
A to Z: B is for Badass Brits.

Now, when I think of Badass Brits, I think of the likes of Jason Statham and Vinny Jones. Men with humble, working-class backgrounds who’ve made good and have a reputation as hard men in films. The kind of men who, 100 years ago, might have worked 12-hour shifts down the mines and still come home and dug the garden over.       Not like our present PM, Keir Starmer, who keeps trying to pass himself off as the son

Read More »
A to Z: Age is for Ageism

So, I reckon we should start off the A to Z with a rant on ageism and generally being old (read f***** over for the less sensitive amongst you.)   I know it’s hard to believe, but I started writing this blog in 2007 when I was 42. This makes me a dinosaur amongst the blogging community (i.e., I’m verging on the extinct), and last month, I turned 60.   Now, I know the kinder amongst you will be saying, “How

Read More »
New Website

After 18 years on another CMS, I have moved my blog to a more versatile platform. However, it will take some time while I perform some jiggery-pokery to get it exactly how I want it. So please bear with me as things fall off the page, are posted upside down and so on. It has also beome apparent that I will have to edit hundreds of posts as importing them has screwed up all the post layouts, especially paragraphs. This

Read More »
A Chicken Nugget A Day Keeps Justice Away

I have been forced. Yes, forced to come out of blog hibernation to comment on the latest scandal to hit the UK. God knows I have been tempted multiple times in the last few years to comment on some of the insane things happening in the UK and in the world, but sadly, life has just thrown too many curve balls at me. But today, I can take no more – I cannot keep my mouth shut any longer over

Read More »
My Nominees for the US and UK Elections and Other Waffle

It’s the early hours of the morning, and I have had a large gin… Late-night alcohol is always a good recipe for writing gibberish. And I have not written gibberish for a while on my blog as I have been busy writing gibberish for my MA in Comedy Writing. Which I recently passed with a distinction. Yay! Yes, it transpires that even academics can be fooled into thinking gibberish is genius. Excellent. So anyway, I have written two sitcoms, a

Read More »
Less is More (well that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it)

I’ve been practising my haikus, which you may recall, I’m not particularly good at. However, I wanted to address the woke issue in a concise, meaningful way as it is such a serious matter for discussion and particularly relevant to me as a comic writer. Which, if you know me,  translates as: 1) I’m too lazy to write a long analytical post. And 2) I’d rather watch a movie and eat tortilla chips. However, I feel obliged to say my

Read More »

8 responses

  1. What’s duty free Paul? I know nothing about it! I deny all knowledge!

    I always associated “duty free” as a Sunday afternoon when I don’t have to iron any shirts.

  2. I’m back fresh from reading your story. I’ve left a comment over there. I liked it, but love your observational writing far better. It’s a talent making someone smile and laugh, and you’ve got it! I think you could make a book out of these here posts one day and it would go down a bomb. Who doesn’t want to hear about chocolate and channel? and I’m a geeza:)

  3. Thanks for the words of encouragement Gary. I just wanted to try my hand at something different over at TVFH; I’ve got some other ideas too; it’s just finding the time to squeeze them all in.

    No what’s that you were saying about your spelling Gary? Is that channel or Chanel you Geeza you!

  4. Oh the beauty of Channel 5 T.V. Great programming. 🙂 You guys are funny. I also love the smell of Chanel #5. Truly a classy and stimulating choice. What do you think of the new Juicy Couture? Tantilizing..

  5. Hi Onedia! Great to see you! And a Happy New Year to you too!

    Mr I,

    Now don’t tell anyone cos you can only get it at Harrods but my favourite is Climat by Lancome.( Wink, wink..remember that special date I was telling you about?!)

    What’s this Juicy Couture stuff? I popped over and saw some stick thin teenagers in VELOUR tracksuits which I have to inform you are considered down market over over here!

    I recommend you get some of that Men’s Fragrance Dirty English and splash it all over!!

    (Chuck out the ghastly container though Mr I; tres tasteless!)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *