Dance? Not Likely.

I like dancing, and most women I know enjoy a quick turn around their handbags. Men are a bit different though – especially after some alcohol. And teenage boys? Unless they come from a culture of dancing generally they hate it with a vengeance.

I know my boys dislike dancing at school and I have to admit that beyond the age of about nine I don’t see much point of it either. My boys’ dislike of dancing seems to be a concept which, rightly or wrongly, they seem to have picked up from me. I know this from the following conversation…

Tuesday Morning;

Master Jacob: Do I have to go to school today?

Mrs T: Yes… Why don’t you want to go to school?

Master Jacob. It’s dancing. I hate dancing.

Mrs T: Oh (sympathetic smile) I’m afraid though, Master Jacob, you still have to go to school.

Master Jacob; ( Emits long tortured groan)

Several hours later on the way to tennis with Master Jacob and Master Ben

Master Jacob: Our dance teacher got really angry today

Mrs T: Why’s that?

Master Jacob: She said we weren’t trying hard enough. Then she got so mad she shouted “What would your parents say if I rang them up and said you weren’t trying?” So I said “My Mum said would say “It’s bollocks.” “

Mrs T; Oh cripes. Did she hear you?

Master Jacob: No, but my friend did and he said “Would your mum really say that?” and I said “Yes – and that’s not all she would say.”

Mrs T: (Contemplating her bad influence) What type of dancing were you doing? Running around twirling  by any chance?

Master Jacob:  Yep, pretty much. It’s called Running Free Dance.

Mrs T ( Contemplating her influence again.) Soooo…not break dancing or anything like that then?

Master Jacob: No. We might doing something like that next week.

Master Ben: So you’re going to grab your balls and go “Oooh, Oooh, Oooh”, Like Michael Jackson?

(Subsequent numerous impressions of Michael Jackson from Master Ben. This is very difficult when strapped in a car with your seat belt but let me tell you he makes a darn good attempt.)

So anyway cue another rant..

Master Jacob is thirteen, five foot ten and an athlete. Now I know some of his contemporaries aren’t so sporty but NONE of them want to dance. Now dancing may be relevant in some suburban areas where breaking dancing and such like might be a cultural thing etc etc (and I am in favour of exposing children to cultural forms of art and exercise) but (and it’s a BIG but) for the main-part most teenage boys would rather take a gun and blow their brains out instead of dancing. They need to be engaged if they’re to be productive. And what the hell is wrong with rugby, football, cricket, cross country running, basketball etc?All I ever hear about at school is dance, dance, dance. Master Ben is currently “Dancing” too. Look, if the girls want to play at being Pan’s People let them. Personally, I just wish the education authorities and teachers would stop trying to feminise our schools. Boys should be boys. Let them play with their balls.

Rant over. And yes Master Jacob is right I would have said “Bollocks.” And a whole lot more.

Ps Apologies to anyone I’ve offended. I’m in an anti-establishment mood at the moment. Call me Mrs Awkward.