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The often dubious, politically incorrect and mainly humorous musings of Ms Jane Turley, (Ex) Housewife Extraordinaire.

D is for…Divorce.

The only word beginning with D that has been cropping in my mind all day in order to write about tonight is “Divorce”- even though I’d already decided I wasn’t going to write about it. So I’d been putting off writing all day, hoping some other word would come into my mind, so a few minutes ago, as it’s almost the UK 12pm deadline, I decided to go to one of those random word generators for some much-needed inspiration. I requested ten words, beginning with D…and the second word that came up was… divorce.

Spooky.

The first word was directory.

Anybody want me to write about “directory”? I doubt it. Maybe some weird techy geek with a telephone directory fetish, but that’s about it.

Okay, so I’m going to write about divorce, as that kind of spooky stuff is fate’s way of telling me it’s okay to let loose.

But I now only have…12 minutes before the deadline! Crap. I better make this quick.

So this is what I know about divorce:

Elizabeth Taylor got divorced 7 times.

Zsa Zsa Gabor got divorced 7 times

Mickey Rooney got divorced… 6 times, I think

Lana Turner got divorced 8 times.

So…you know I ain’t doing so bad – only 1 in over thirty years!

Now let me see – I’m 52. I have approximately 25 years left in me. So, if I want to beat Lana Turner’s record, I need to marry and divorce 8 more times in the next 25 years, assuming I don’t peg it early. This means I need a new husband every… 25 divided by 8 = um um um….. nearly every three years.

Cripes. I better get a move on.

Okay, any of you folks out there who know any willing victims (preferably with large wallets), email me at Jane@easylay.com.

Okay, that’s it. I’ve got 4 minutes to spellcheck.

Ps –  I’d prefer a toy boy, but if you know a rich oldie, make sure he’s senile so I can line the next one up whilst he’s kipping.

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10 responses

  3. Thanks Paula. I quite fancy an American for a change (preferably one with a pool obviously) so keep those eyes peeled.

    Oh… I don't look too good in a bikini these days so if he could have visual impairments that would be awesome:D

    Reply

  5. I was expecting a different angle on this sad but true phenomenon, but I'm glad you hit the light side. Suits my mood better. I'm 48. Divorced once, two years ago, but I'm hoping the next will be the last. I'm an eternal romantic. I don't know you well enough to determine whether your tongue is lodged in your cheek or not, so I'll just wish you luck and look forward to your next post.

    Reply

  6. I prefer to look at things in a light hearted manner on my blog DA – there's enough misery in the world without me adding to it!

    Well I think (ahem) 8 marriages might be a little unrealistic of me .. but who wants to be alone forever? I am someone who is happy with my own company and have lots of interests but I am also very much a people person so I certainly won't rule a relationship out – another marriage would be a very big ask for me though in my current frame of mind after my recent experiences. But I've learnt a lot that, hopefully will make my future choices happier ones:)
    I look forward to seeing you around DA and I'll be over to check out that alliteration soon!

    Reply

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