Up Yours, Brussels (or Keep Your Hands off My Jars, Please)

Keep your hands off our jars, Mr Brussels,

We will do with them whatever we please

We will fill them with strawberries

Or lush green peas

But we will do with them whatever we darn well please

Keep your hands of our jam, Mr EU

We will do with it whatever we want

We will sell it from wheelchairs

Or village school fairs

But we will do with it whatever we darn well please

Keep your hand off our traditions, Mr Bossy

We will do with them whatever we please

We don’t need your guidance

Or your ridiculous licence

And we will do whatever we darn well please

Keep out of our affairs, Mr Despot

We will act however we want

We will make jam for our teas

And our sweet pastries

AND WE WILL DO WHATEVER WE DARN WELL PLEASE

Keep away from our isles, Mr Dictator

We will rule as we darn well please

We will make Cheddar Cheese

And tasty Cornish Pasties

AND WE WILL DO WHATEVER WE DARN WELL PLEASE

So there is nothing left to say, Mr Idiot

But please, please, please go away

Our preference is for farce

But we might yet kick you up the arse

AND WE WILL DO WHATEVER WE DARN WELL PLEASE

Written by Jane in a moment of outrage at the EU directive that we should not reuse jars for home-made jam which might be consumed by the public.

The first and only time I’ve made jam. However, I have my principles and if I want to inflict future batches on the school fair, the church fete or indeed the canteen in the houses of parliament I will would like to do so without the threat of litigation. On behalf all ladies in the UK who have made jam in recycled glass jars for generations I say this to Brussels : Up Yours!

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