What is it with facial hairs when you’re over forty? My chin feels like a badger’s arse at the moment and I look like Popeye after an overdose of spinach. If any more hairs sprout I’ll be able to pluck them and start my own business manufacturing scrubbing brushes and garden brooms.
God, the menopause is depressing. I’ve never been that keen on the idea of taking drugs but as I get older the idea of hallucinations and days spent slumped over the sofa as opposed to watching foot-long hairs sprout from every conceivable hair follicle is becoming more attractive every minute. I’ve always liked being a brunette because it gives a woman way more intellectual kudos (even if you don’t get to party so much) but, as an older woman, being a brunette is a living hell. The only plus side is there’s no fear of England every being invaded again as I’ve written to the MOD and told them that all they need to do the next time some assailants set foot on our land is to get all British women over the age of forty to stand on the beaches and the enemy will soon be fleeing. I mean – who would want to rape and pillage an island nation where most of the women have chins like badger’s arses? I reckon that’s why Hitler gave up on the idea of invading us – German intelligence probably got whiff of the excess of facial hair and said there was no way their men, with their preference for blondes, could stomach shacking up with British women.
Yeah, that must have been the reason for halting the invasion. Although I kinda think Hitler shot himself in the foot by invading Russia because I’ve heard a lot about Russian women and it’s not all good. I don’t want to say anything too derogatory – but I’ve seen the Olympic games.
So, I’ve not been around much lately because I’ve being doing stuff – none of which has been constructive. But that’s Mrs T for you – one lazy, good-for-nothing writer. Still, there’s a new year coming so I’ll have to buckle down and continue my next masterpiece of English literature. In the meantime look what turned up on Twitter today!
Today’s the day to borrow shiny new books from our quick choice! Featuring the hilarious debut from @turleytalks. pic.twitter.com/cBWZaG5TBz
— Dorking Library (@DorkingLibrary) December 13, 2014
