A while ago I reported that a piece of art called “When it starts dripping from the ceiling” had been inadvertently destroyed by a cleaner who thought that the exhibit in a German museum was just a big mess. Today, I have even more depressing news – a Tracey Emin piece entitled “How I wish I slept” was broken by a teenage girl who, during a party at a gallery at which the piece was on display, got over-excited and knocked it to the floor.
Unluckily, only the plinth and glass surround was broken.
Anyway, the good news is that Tracey took it really well and said it was just an “accident”. In fact Tracey said: “It’s not like my tent which was burned to the ground along with other priceless works of art which was something to get upset about.”
The tent was entitled “Everyone I ever slept with 1963-1995” and was a 10 x12 tent on which Tracy had sewn all the names of the people she had slept with.
It took her sixth months to complete.
Wow, that’s amazing. Anyway, I thought it was such a great idea when I first heard about the tent back in 2004 that I got out the boys’ 2 x 3 pop up tent and decided to give it a bash myself. Unfortunately, I ran out of names after I covered about a twentieth of the door flap. It took me about 10 minutes – even doing it in appliqué.
Anyway, I’m not someone who gives up easily at things so when we upgraded to a family-sized tent which sleeps 12 (there’s 5 of us but everyone’s got big feet) I decided to have another bash at creating a Tracey Emin style piece of art. I started my new piece back in 2008 on our infamous camping trip to the Isle of Wight which I mentioned here. As yet I have still not finished my masterpiece. I’ve tried to stamp my own mark on the piece though so instead of calling it “All the people I’ve ever slept with 1965-2012” I’ve called it:
“All the things I’ve ever burnt 1965 – to date.”
It’s a work in progress obviously. I expect to finish it about 2032 – unless I win the lottery before then.
So far I’ve managed;
Lasagne
Curry
Spaghetti Bolognese
The Sofa
My hair
My red dress (aged 7)
My blue dress (aged 2)
Cupcakes ( Approximately 20 times)
Pizza (Homemade)
Pizza (Shop bought)
Roast potatoes
Roast parsnips
Yorkshire pudding
My hand
My shoulder
My legs
My arm
Mr T’s hand ( That one didn’t go down too well.)
The family dog (cremated)
My old boyfriend’s love letters
My old boyfriends photographs
My old boyfriend (metaphorically speaking)
The clutch on my car
The rubber on my tyres (Numerous times)
Toast ( Too many times to even attempt to calculate)
My ear (actually it was the hairdresser but I suppose that counts.)
My back
Several frying pans
Several more saucepans
The Devil Wears Prada (Paperback)
A pair of Master Sam’s underpants circa 2006….
….. anyway the list is endless. But you get the idea. I’m bored now so I’m going off to find something new to burn.
A to Z: B is for Badass Brits.
2 April 2025
1 Comment
Now, when I think of Badass Brits, I think of the likes of Jason Statham and Vinny Jones. Men with humble, working-class backgrounds who’ve made good and have a reputation as hard men in films. The kind of men who, 100 years ago, might have worked 12-hour shifts down the mines and still come home and dug the garden over. Not like our present PM, Keir Starmer, who keeps trying to pass himself off as the son
4 responses
Thinks. Why don't you burn the tent? Then, no time-consuming embroidery and – no tent! (So, no camping holidays.) It's what I call a result. If your tent is insured (who'd have thought Tracey was so conventional?), well, you get the cash too. I try to be helpful.
Mrs B – you are a genius! Why didn't I think of that before! (Gets out matches…)
Hang on I'll check my insurance policy first…
Either way, I am never going camping again. I need to protect my sanity.
Why, thank you Mrs T!
Sanity? I have been on too many family holidays, camping and otherwise, and am now completely insane. So mad, in fact, that I have found myself booking another family holiday … Was it Einstein who said a definition of madness was doing the same thing, over and over, and expecting the outcome to be different? (But now I'm showing off.)
Mrs B – I am seriously impressed by your quote from Einstein. I am trying to think of something suitable in response but alas all that comes to mind is a quote from Benny Hill:
"Just because no one complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect."
Perhaps the same could be said of tents:))