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The often dubious, politically incorrect and mainly humorous musings of Ms Jane Turley, (Ex) Housewife Extraordinaire.

Now I know what it’s like to live in California!

We have a heatwave in the UK. I am so hot I actually have no bra on. Fortunately, I am not planning to go outside.  (I don’t want to be mistaken for an elderly aqua aerobics participant.)

I don’t think we have a had a proper heatwave since 1976. That was the year we had a heatwave all summer and I sat on an ants nest. I remember it well.

So this is how it feels to live in California then where the sun shines all year round and people wear shorts. What I’m curious to know is – with such heat all the time do you American folks wear shorts to the office and to church? Do you such say “*uck it, my balls are frying I’m gonna wear shorts” or what? I must admit I was almost tempted to wear shorts myself yesterday and then I remembered my dignity so I stuck with some lightweight trousers and switched to a skirt in the evening so I could look all glamorous for when Mr T came home. Sadly, I was disappointed when I returned from cricket training with Master Benedict to see that Mr T had adorned himself with some shorts.

So I have free day today. Unfortunately, Master Jacob is temporarily injured with a muscle strain which is not good at the height of the cricket and tennis season but it does mean that I will not be charging around so much the next few days as he will be resting. This means I actually have a free day today.

Everybody clap!  Come on now, put your hands together and thank the good Lord for me. Here we go now:

 Ye-ah! Ye-ah! Mrs T’s got a free day today!

Clap, clap, clap, clap.

Mrs T got a free day today. Ye-ah, ye-ah!


Clap, clap, clap, clap.


Come on, Readers, let’s have some more effort. You’re not praising loud enough.

Ye -ah! Ye-ah! Mrs T’s got a free day today!


Clap, clap, clap, clap


Mrs T’s got a free day today. Ye-ah! Ye-ah!


Clap, clap, clap, clap.


Right, that’s better. Now we’ve got that singing/thanking stuff out the way I can go and cast my eye over my shorts before putting my feet up.

Okay, I’ve cast my eye over my shorts. I’m sticking to my skirt. For the safety and sanity of mankind.

Hey, it’s hot. I can wear want I want. Give me some credit for being stylish.

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“Brilliant, could identify with all of this! Thank you for making me smile today! ”
Nikki on the BBC Column Mum's The Word
Nikki on the BBC Column Mum's The Word
"This book is by far one of the funniest I have ever read."
Amazon Reviewer
Amazon Reviewer
"I just loved this book so much. Could not put it down once I started and definitely couldn't drink anything while reading it or I would have sprayed it all over my Kindle. I can't wait to read more from Jane Turley, a truly great author. My son and husband both just look at me strangely while reading cause I would just burst out laughing or tear up one minute or another. Very very good book."
Amazon Reviewer
Amazon Reviewer
"I just wanted to say a big thank you for the lovely author event you did for us on February 20th. It was well put together and very interesting. You certainly kept the audience enthralled with your experiences of self-publishing."
Jane Gill, Bedfordshire Libaries.
"Concrete but mysterious, "No Returns" reads more like a prose poem, full of exquisite turns of phrase such as the deep purple essence dilutes to shadows of lilac bindweed, warm, inviting. This is a desperate woman's life in miniature, full of sexually poignant poetry and glimpse of everyday strangeness. A worthy winner."
Ray Robinson, AuthorCEO
“Wry and self-deprecating ....verging on verbal slapstick at times... packed with sustained intelligent humor and certainly funnier than most ....”
Nomination in Blogger's Choice Awards 2008
"Readwave are enormously pleased to publish Jane Turley's chilling but poignant story The Princess and the Thief, and we're even more delighted to bring this story across the world through our Worldreader programme."
Readwave CEOCEO
You know how women like to waffle on a bit? Well, every once in a million, one of them comes along that is so funny, you don't want them to stop. Not for a second. Natural talent combined with a great story makes this a must read. Buy it, believe me, you won't be disappointed."
Amazon Review
"Having been a follower of Jane's Blog for a number of years I have learnt not to drink whilst reading her blogs having once sprayed tea over my laptop with laughter. This book was no exception. For those with a weak bladder reading on the toilet or wearing TENA pants would be advisable."
Amazon Revieweer
"I could not put this book down until I finished it. Sandy life will make you laugh and cry. But her life is just like yours and mine. So many things to do and so many difficult choices to make. This is a comedy drama book that is a "must read.""
Amazon Reviewer