I’m having a hell of a morning, folks. Full of disappointment. Now this is not because Master Jacob has forgotten his PE kit AGAIN and I’ve had to drive into town to drop it off – because three days in a row would have resulted in a major depression as I would have known for sure that my son was incapable of remembering anything but his first name. So all’s good – just two days in a row and he’s even managed to catch the bus every day this week. Yippee.
The truth is I’m depressed because I’ve received an email from Amazon trying to sell me a matching set of placements and coasters. Now this is depressing because, frankly, I’m not looking like a very dynamic person if all they can try and seduce me with is placemats and coasters. How about sending me an email for a super-charged vibrator or a sit-on lawn mower? Or maybe a helicopter flight or a massive chainsaw? Cos you know, I like to consider myself still relatively lively for 48 years old. There’s still some life in ol’ Mrs T yet. I’m not sitting in front of my fire with my feet ensconced in a foot warmer, wrapped in a waffle dressing gown and studying the Sunday supplements for bargain hearing aids.
Not just yet anyway.
So, if getting an email trying to entice me to buy placemats and coasters wasn’t bad enough – the pictures on the placemats they wanted me to buy was even more of a kick in the teeth.
It was artwork by the once subversive street artist Banksy.
Who is now selling his art for use on placemats and coasters. Gez. Talk about being commercial and conventional. I mean one has to assume Banksy knew what was going to happen to it – or at least have a very good idea.
Ah well, I suppose age makes people lose their ideals. Still selling out for placemats is sinking pretty low.
As for me? At the moment, I’m still after a ******* huge chainsaw but I guess my time will come too. Those bed socks get more appealing every winter.
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| Everyone can have fun with a chainsaw. Even a business geek. I want to see if this one is going to try and cut his hair. |
6 responses
Get yourself a chainsaw! You will feel all the more better if you do! Don't ever sell yourself out for placemats. I have a chainsaw. I stole it from my ex husband. I'd have it framed and mounted but I want to use the damn thing!
I also want one of those belts with the many pockets that those kind workman use, Francine. I'm going to keep my chocolate chip cookies in it.
Always good to deny a man his tools. Well done!
Placemats and coasters with designs by Banksy? And they think you will want to buy them? It follows that 'they' think you are radical, subversive and totes 'hipster', Mrs T – maybe you should take it as a compliment? (It must have been the Robin Thicke video …) It does beg the question, though: would a subversive, Russell Brand-type of person (not that you are such a person) know what to do with the aforesaid items? My mind is boggling.
I like your positive way of thinking, Mrs B – I am wrenched out of my black hole of despair and am now dancing around my kitchen again because I am actually hip-hop trendy and super cool and not some dull housewife obsessed with teatowels and placemats. Hurrah! I have even got out my can of hair removing cream and am going to write some graffiti on my neighbour's garage door. I am such a rebel!
I believe Russell Brand uses his placemats for his yoga.
That's more like it. I'm really quite envious. Those ads. up the side of the screen seem to think that I want to buy some curtains. Just … curtains. No Banksy, Robin Thicke or Russell Brand in sight. I told you I was boring!
Oh I've seen those ones Mrs B – they're reversible – on the other side they have an image of a naked George Clooney.
You see you're not boring. You're just downright kinky!