Who is Sir Geoffrey Boycott?

I realise I’ve been presumptuous. In a recent blog I talked about Sir Geoffrey Boycott assuming everyone out there would know who he is. Then afterwards, I thought that maybe some folks wouldn’t have any idea who Sir Geoffrey is, especially in America. My readers in India, Australia and South Africa I’m sure are only to familiar with the entertaining Sir Geoffrey but I feel, for the benefit of those who don’t, I should offer a description.

Well, Sir Geoffrey is a cricketeer. Yes, that’s right. He’s a small greenish insect of the insect family Cricketeerhopperupus that starred in the Disney film Geoffrey and the Cricketeers. (A Bug’s Life VI.)

Now, this may seem unbelievable but the film was a roaring success in the UK dealing as it did with how the incredibly sweet natured Geoffrey, a small town cricketeer with humble beginnings in Yorkshire, rose from rag to riches to become a cricketeer who took on the might of an alien insect army led by the evil Rickitus Pontingus, a beer swilling, loud mouthed galactic adventurer. Now, as it happened, Sir Geoffrey possessed unique and extraordinary battle tactics and after pretending to be on the back foot he trapped the alien invaders at Lords Castle where such a lengthy and boring siege took place that eventually even the evil Rickitus Pontingus became so full of despair he begged for mercy, dispersed his alien army and pledged loyalty to HRH for trying to usurp her throne with his republican army.

An incredible film right? Yes, and it was sooooo popular Her Majesty made an exception to the rule and made Sir Geoffrey the first animated cartoon character to become a knight! Amazing!

Okay, so you don’t believe me eh? Oh alright, alright, I’ll tell the truth about Sir Geoffrey; he is actually one of England’s most famous cricketers. That’s the game where blokes dress all in white and throw balls at each other whilst trying to knock some pieces of wood out of the ground. Sometimes the games can go on for five whole days. But if you’re lucky they get rained off after three.

Anyway, Sir Geoffrey had lots of records for his cricket achievements. Now my memory is not serving me too well so please feel free to correct me if I get anything wrong;

The longest most boring innings.
The shortest most boring innings.
The longest most boring innings in a test match.
The shortest most boring innings in a test match.
The longest most boring innings in a first innings.
The longest most boring innings in a second innings.
The longest most boring half century.
The longest most boring century.
The longest most boring innings in test match history.
The longest most boring innings against Australia, Pakistan, India and The West Indies.
The longest most boring innings for Yorkshire CC.
The longest most boring innings in a one day international.

And of course the record of being the only man to run out Derek Randall at Trent Bridge in front of his home crowd. (Which incidentally I’ve never forgiven him for as Derek Randall was my favourite cricketer.)

Oh yes, and the longest, most boring Yorkshire drawl.

Well I think to be fair to Sir Geoffrey I should show one of his finest moments; his 100th first class century at Headingly in 1977.

Oh.. and that’s Derek Randall on the nearside on the balcony! Clapping even after Sir Geoff had run him out at Trent Bridge. What a guy!