Back in Business!

Bad luck folks – I’m still alive!

I know you’ve all been popping over here hoping to see Mr T post my obituary (“She was an appalliing housewife but she grew on me. No, wait a minute..she just grew…widthways”) but I am still in the land of living. Just. Although, if I keep sniffing the kids’ glue sticks that may soon change. Hey, it’s not my fault my eyesight is failing and I keep mistaking them for my Chapstick. In fact, if it wasn’t that my lips keep sticking together I’d never have noticed the difference.

Anyway, it’s been the school holidays which accounts for my silence. Fortunately, the Reign of Terror is now over and the the little ones are back at school and Young Sam goes off to university at the end of the month. (Hoist the banners, ring the bells!) Yep, I’ve finally got rid of one – only 2 more to go!

Nah, I don’t really mean that. Of course I’ll miss Young Sam – every time I pass Help The Aged and catch a whiff of unwashed fetid clothes I will think of him with affection. What mother wouldn’t?

Of course, the really exciting thing about Young Sam going to university is that we will have a spare bed. Oh yes.. and I have plans for that spare bed! I’m thinking… a new, soft (and most importantly) clean mattress, a nice feather duvet, satin linen, plump cushions, maybe an extra throw for those really chilly nights……

Yes, after 24 years, I will finally have a spare bed to escape to which doesn’t contain a small puking child or, more significantly, a large comatosed person omitting a noise comparable to a jumbo jet taking off. Now, if you haven’t worked it out – I mean Mr T. Not that he has a snoring problem – but the last time he got drunk and went into high decibel mode there was a national security alert. Apparently, David Cameron was woken by the earth tremors and took refuge in his bunker. It didn’t wake me up though – mainly because I find the best treatment is actually to stay awake and sniff those glue sticks.

Anyway – no more taking refuge on the sofa! Young Sam is going to be a bit surprised when he comes home at Christmas and finds his bedroom looking like Cleopatra’s boudoir. Mind you, with all the potential sexual encounters one might have at university he might come home and decides he likes it. Hmmm…… on second thoughts I don’t think there’s much chance of that. Ever since I caught him watching Catherine Zeta Jones having her blouse removed by Antonio Banderas in Zorro (in slow motion replay) I’ve been pretty sure he’s been on the straight and narrow….

On the other hand, he might have just been eyeing up her blouse…..

Nope! Stop thinking Mrs T! Your mind is working overtime!

Hmm…..maybe I should just put a clean sheet and duvet cover on…….perhaps vacuum under the bed…..I want to be able to breathe…….

Anyway, I’m back. More gibberish coming soon (and details of my new linen purchases obviously.)