Bargain Alert, Bargain Alert!

I’ve just got home from Morrisons petrol station where I saw such an absolute bargain at the checkout that I feel compelled to inform you of it, dear readers, so that you can rush out and get it for yourselves.

This was the wording I saw on display at the checkout:

Customers spending over £15.00 will receive a voucher for three minutes of FREE air.

Vouchers valid only on day of purchase.

What the *uck? I am sorry to let that slip out – but I’ve never seen anything so ridiculous in all my life (except this blog of course). I mean, I appreciate the FREE air (no doubt factored into the £15.00) but I can only have it on the day of purchase? Is there a rush on air or what? Is it in short supply? Is Cameron going to start taxing it or what? I am gutted, absolutely gutted, I cannot pick up my FREE air tomorrow. I am going to complain to Morrisons about this – I spent £100 in the store and another £50 in the petrol station and I can only pick up my FREE air today? What sort of customer service is that?

“It doesn’t matter that our car has broken down – if we keep pushing we can make it to Morrisons for our FREE air by midnight.”
“I love you, Josh. I’m so glad you spotted that FREE air at Morrisons – now we can be together all day!”

In fact Morrisons have not just got it coming to them from me with the FREE air issue as I’m also going to complain to them that their FREE air nearly got me killed. Unfortunately, after I saw that sign I couldn’t stop laughing and I laughed all the way home – it is a miracle I didn’t kill myself or someone else with my erratic driving. So I’m lodging a complaint with them for making me a danger to myself and to everyone else.

Ahhhh … look how happy this young couple are knowing they have got some FREE air. It will making saving up for their first child soooo much easier.

Well now it’s time for me to go back to doing something constructive. I’m going to pump up my tyres on my driveway with my own FREE air and I shall, very generously, give my voucher for FREE air to my neighbour with the one leg.

“Quick – come over to Morrisons the air is FREE all day. I’m getting two bursts!”

Latest Posts

New Website

14 March 2025 No Comments

After 18 years on another CMS, I have moved my blog to a more versatile platform. However, it will take some time while I perform some jiggery-pokery to get it exactly how I want it. So please bear with me as things fall off the page, are posted upside down and so on. It has also beome apparent that I will have to edit hundreds of posts as importing them has screwed up all the post layouts, especially paragraphs. This

A Chicken Nugget A Day Keeps Justice Away

10 February 2025 No Comments

I have been forced. Yes, forced to come out of blog hibernation to comment on the latest scandal to hit the UK. God knows I have been tempted multiple times in the last few years to comment on some of the insane things happening in the UK and in the world, but sadly, life has just thrown too many curve balls at me. But today, I can take no more – I cannot keep my mouth shut any longer over

My Nominees for the US and UK Elections and Other Waffle

31 October 2023 1 Comment

It’s the early hours of the morning, and I have had a large gin… Late-night alcohol is always a good recipe for writing gibberish. And I have not written gibberish for a while on my blog as I have been busy writing gibberish for my MA in Comedy Writing. Which I recently passed with a distinction. Yay! Yes, it transpires that even academics can be fooled into thinking gibberish is genius. Excellent. So anyway, I have written two sitcoms, a

Less is More (well that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it)

2 February 2023 2 Comments

I’ve been practising my haikus, which you may recall, I’m not particularly good at. However, I wanted to address the woke issue in a concise, meaningful way as it is such a serious matter for discussion and particularly relevant to me as a comic writer. Which, if you know me, translates as: 1) I’m too lazy to write a long analytical post. And 2) I’d rather watch a movie and eat tortilla chips. However, I feel obliged to say my

Sixteen Years On

8 January 2023 7 Comments

So this post is just going to be a stream of possibly (wildly erratic) thoughts. So hang on to your breeches; we could go anywhere with them. Cripes, I only managed three posts last year. And I call myself a writer? Pathetic! Though, to be fair to me, almost everyone who was blogging with me in 2007/8 no longer blogs or blogs even less than I do now. A few later blogs are still going, so kudos to those

Are You Having A Laugh?

25 March 2022 1 Comment

An ex-secret service agent with a personality problem and a desire for imperial glory. An aged president who looks like he’s got a giant fork prong stuck up his arse to keep him upright. A floppy-haired bumbling classics graduate with a predisposition for crass decisions. A tinpot dictator who showcases his weapons like a movie trailer. A comedian who has found himself elevated to global status. If the world wasn’t on the brink of war this surely would be the

G. B. Miller says:

14 November 2014 at 9:14 PM

In theory, at least here in the States, you have to pay between 75 cents and a dollar for about five minutes worth of air for your tires. However, you can get those same five minutes of air absolutely free…by walking inside the store and asking the nice cashier to turn it on for you.

Reply
Jane Turley says:

14 November 2014 at 9:19 PM

I never pump my tyres up at the garage G, but I assume there is a charge (hence the special offer) but I am still outraged! For the vast amount of money we pay for petrol over here the cost of maintaining one air pump per garage to provide free air for customers would be peanuts – and excellent for customer relations. Seems to me "Customer Service" is something out of a bygone era….

Reply