I’m sure most of you are aware that I am an excellent chef…there isn’t any type of pizza I haven’t unwrapped cooked. Or, indeed, any type of cake I haven’t eaten baked. Other women produce cakes with hints of lemon, cinnamon and coco but I like to challenge the status quo of cooking with my daring recipes. It’s not unknown, for example, for my cakes to contain hints of Mr Muscle, charcoal and sometimes even tinfoil.
So, a few days ago, I was suitably thrilled when an email from a women’s magazine arrived in my inbox inviting me to enter a cupcake competition. My heart began to beat fast with the anticipation of winning a set of silicon spatulas or maybe even a new pinafore. Immediately, I clicked through and studied the pictures of a variety of cupcakes already submitted by my potential rivals. Naturally enough, there were some amazing entries…but I was not deterred. I, Mrs T, mistress of the kitchen, conqueror of the wedged-in frozen food tray, vanquisher of greasy saucepans and subjugator of chocolate bars would attempt the impossible – to produce a unique cupcake that would reduce my rivals to quivering jelly. The key to winning, I concluded, was originality. Thus, I put on my thinking hat and came up with several unusual designs and now you, Dear Readers, have the opportunity to pick the recipe I will submit…
Right, here we go…
Number One;
The Karl Malden Cupcake.
Inspired by the actor Karl Malden. If you’re under 40 and don’t recognise the name think The Streets of San Francisco – he was the guy with the big hooter who played opposite Michael Douglas. Hollywood has been the inspiration for many a fashion..so why not the cupcake? I think this cake will have aphrodisiac qualities as it well known that men with big noses are particularly attractive to women. And I should know… as Mr T has a particularly large conk. In fact one day when we were on safari in Africa a women pointed at Mr T and said “I want a ride on that elephant!” To which I replied, “Excuse me that’s my husband, please would be so kind as not to point at his conk.”
Okay, I lied – we weren’t on safari – it was Bognor Regis High Street. Anyway, I see this cupcake as being a real hit with the ladies. What d’you reckon?
Number 2
Oh cripes…sorry…how did that get there? Oh yes…I was cleaning the cat litter tray…and well accidents happen…
Um, I’ll call this the Chocolate Surprise Cupcake then – with the surprise being that it’s not chocolate. Obviously.
Number 3
The Carmen Miranda Cup Cake
More inspiration from Hollywood. Speaks for itself really. A fruity little number with a lot up top. Counts as part of your daily portions of fruit and veg. Should be popular with vegetarians, environmentalists and anyone who likes a nice pear. Notice how strategically placed the pear is so you can see the delicious shop-bought sponge cake underneath.
Number 4
The Chocolate Drop Cupcake.
A variation on the traditional chocolate sprinkle theme. As you can see, I was very generous with the chocolate sprinkles – mainly due to the fact I opened the wrong side of the container. However, the overall result is pretty pleasing…
Hey, wait a minute..something doesn’t look quite right…
Oh no! Those aren’t chocolate sprinkles; they’re beef gravy granules. Cripes, no wonder I thought it tasted a little meaty.
Number 5
The Smiling Banana Cupcake – otherwise known as The Piers Morgan Cupcake.
A particular favourite with monkeys, gorillas and readers of The Daily Mirror.
(Oh and if you haven’t heard of Piers Morgan in the US – don’t worry you soon will. Bad luck.)
And finally Number 6 , my piece de resistance, the ultimate chocolate cupcake…
7 responses
These are just perfect. I hope you are actually going to enter them in the mag. I particularly liked the one with the dog turd effect.
You may enjoy the site Cake Wrecks.
http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/
bonkers
Mrs T – you are too kind, thank you (and funny, very funny). I second the cake wrecks tip 😉 And anything decorated with Toblerone has to win in my opinion – plus it's alliterative with Mrs. T's Toblerone cupcake!
Definitely the nose and glasses one. Definitely. Although, good luck with arranging them nicely on a plate to look pretty.
Yessssss! Hilarious blog, Mrs T! I like your use of the words 'suitably thrilled'. How thrilled, exactly, was that??
I like to think that Annabel Karmel will be wishing she had thought of the 'Smiling Banana Cupcake' .. My personal favourite is the 'Carmen Miranda' although the Toblerone one looks a hoot, too. I'm with Mrs A: you really should submit at least one!!
Ah yes Mrs A; I think the dog turd one would go down a treat as the entry… but maybe I'm missing a few sprinkles???
Fordfocusmum … that's the same kind of "suitable thrilled" that I am when I receive the letters about dressing- up days…
Oh I had to look up who Annabel Karmel was – I'm getting seriously worried about you knowing about such authors! Don't you know that children under 5 should be fed straight from a jar or packet?! If they're going to spit out your food and rub it over their faces what does that say about your homemade cooking?! I say quit before disillusionment sets in and head off to the baby food counter in Boots……:)
Fran, Yeah I'm kind fond of the Karl Malden one:) I don't know why but it makes me feel "hot" – and that's not because I've been standing next to the oven.
Hmm… that's interesting dilemma you've posed there. I must think carefully about the arrangement – I don't want to spoil the effect. The Leaning Tower of Toberlone is the obvious choice for the central cake but I'm kind worried that it may not stand up to the transportation…
Jen – Your welcome:) Oh yes I hadn't thought of that! Now that's sounds like I'm reaching professional status- excellent, excellent; I knew it was only a matter of time before Nigella and I were in competition:))