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The often dubious, politically incorrect and mainly humorous musings of Ms Jane Turley, (Ex) Housewife Extraordinaire.

Blogging A to Z : D is for Diarhea (or however you spell it), Dinosaurs and Depauperation.

Today, I am going to talk about a subject that affects us all which is diaherra dorehha dirraheaa, doiaherra  doiorea  diare..

*sigh*

… the shits.

Blimey, I just cannot spell dioherra… that word. I’ve been trying for well over forty years but I just cannot do it. I have a mental block about how to spell it. I’ll just have to abandon the subject in case I offend all those of you with delicate ears.

I know! Wendy Jakob over at Wendy’s Waffle challenged me to write a post about the word “depauperate.”

So, first thing’s first, I need to look up the meaning of “depauperate”. How depressing is that? To think I call myself a writer and I don’t know what “depauperate” means. Humph.

On the plus side, I do know what “donkey” means. That’s got to put me ahead of E L James surely?

Okay, time to Google “depauperate.”

So…it’s a biological term that means “poor or imperfectly developed” in relation to species or genes.

Oh cripes, so “depauperation” could be bad news. It could even make reproduction and continuation of a species pretty difficult. I wonder if that’s what happened to the dinosaurs? Maybe a few of them developed a massive growth gene and crushed all the smaller ones others to death in the act of mating and then the remaining dinosaurs were too big to mount each other?

You know,  I reckon I could get a research grant on that theory and go on an archaeological dig. Somewhere hot. Like Barbados. Or Florida.

Nah. It’s a ridiculous idea. No one would believe me. Everyone thinks the dinosaurs were wiped out by a meteor.

Hmm…I wonder if I could get funding into the theory that the dinosaurs were wiped out due to a massive outbreak of diaherra,  dooherra, dairhhha....dysentery. That’s a bit more believable.

Yeah, I reckon that’s worth a submission. Some of those government bodies will believe any old crap. Apparently some of them still think James Bond is real.  Gez.

Rumour has it that dinosaurs had an aversion to oral sex.

Previous posts: A is for Arses and Aidan Turner
                         B is for Bullshit
                         C is for Chinese Crispy Duck and the Conservative Party.

You can check out the other participants in the Blogging A to Z challenge HERE.

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A to Z: B is for Badass Brits.
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Now, when I think of Badass Brits, I think of the likes of Jason Statham and Vinny Jones. Men with humble, working-class backgrounds who’ve made good and have a reputation as hard men in films. The kind of men who, 100 years ago, might have worked 12-hour shifts down the mines and still come home and dug the garden over.       Not like our present PM, Keir Starmer, who keeps trying to pass himself off as the son

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A to Z: Age is for Ageism
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So, I reckon we should start off the A to Z with a rant on ageism and generally being old (read f***** over for the less sensitive amongst you.)   I know it’s hard to believe, but I started writing this blog in 2007 when I was 42. This makes me a dinosaur amongst the blogging community (i.e., I’m verging on the extinct), and last month, I turned 60.   Now, I know the kinder amongst you will be saying, “How

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A Chicken Nugget A Day Keeps Justice Away
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I have been forced. Yes, forced to come out of blog hibernation to comment on the latest scandal to hit the UK. God knows I have been tempted multiple times in the last few years to comment on some of the insane things happening in the UK and in the world, but sadly, life has just thrown too many curve balls at me. But today, I can take no more – I cannot keep my mouth shut any longer over

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My Nominees for the US and UK Elections and Other Waffle
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It’s the early hours of the morning, and I have had a large gin… Late-night alcohol is always a good recipe for writing gibberish. And I have not written gibberish for a while on my blog as I have been busy writing gibberish for my MA in Comedy Writing. Which I recently passed with a distinction. Yay! Yes, it transpires that even academics can be fooled into thinking gibberish is genius. Excellent. So anyway, I have written two sitcoms, a

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I’ve been practising my haikus, which you may recall, I’m not particularly good at. However, I wanted to address the woke issue in a concise, meaningful way as it is such a serious matter for discussion and particularly relevant to me as a comic writer. Which, if you know me,  translates as: 1) I’m too lazy to write a long analytical post. And 2) I’d rather watch a movie and eat tortilla chips. However, I feel obliged to say my

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Nikki on the BBC Column Mum's The Word
Nikki on the BBC Column Mum's The Word
"This book is by far one of the funniest I have ever read."
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Amazon Reviewer
"I just loved this book so much. Could not put it down once I started and definitely couldn't drink anything while reading it or I would have sprayed it all over my Kindle. I can't wait to read more from Jane Turley, a truly great author. My son and husband both just look at me strangely while reading cause I would just burst out laughing or tear up one minute or another. Very very good book."
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Amazon Reviewer
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Jane Gill, Bedfordshire Libaries.
"Concrete but mysterious, "No Returns" reads more like a prose poem, full of exquisite turns of phrase such as the deep purple essence dilutes to shadows of lilac bindweed, warm, inviting. This is a desperate woman's life in miniature, full of sexually poignant poetry and glimpse of everyday strangeness. A worthy winner."
Ray Robinson, AuthorCEO
“Wry and self-deprecating ....verging on verbal slapstick at times... packed with sustained intelligent humor and certainly funnier than most ....”
Nomination in Blogger's Choice Awards 2008
"Readwave are enormously pleased to publish Jane Turley's chilling but poignant story The Princess and the Thief, and we're even more delighted to bring this story across the world through our Worldreader programme."
Readwave CEOCEO
You know how women like to waffle on a bit? Well, every once in a million, one of them comes along that is so funny, you don't want them to stop. Not for a second. Natural talent combined with a great story makes this a must read. Buy it, believe me, you won't be disappointed."
Amazon Review
"Having been a follower of Jane's Blog for a number of years I have learnt not to drink whilst reading her blogs having once sprayed tea over my laptop with laughter. This book was no exception. For those with a weak bladder reading on the toilet or wearing TENA pants would be advisable."
Amazon Revieweer
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