D is for Dressed for Kill

We have an expression in the UK “dressed to kill” which is an expression for basically making the most of your appearance and trying to look as attractive as possible.

Now when you reach my grand old age of 55, dressing to kill takes some skill. It’s also preferable to have a large glass of gin before you look in the mirror. Because you look a lot better when your vision is blurred. You can also try and kid yourself you’re only 39. I have been telling my boys I am 39 for years. I don’t think they believe me any more. Well, not since the tooth fairy quit.

Now, even though I’m past my prime, when I go to work, I attempt to look as smart as possible with clean, pressed clothes and fresh make-up. I find a trowel is excellent for putting on my foundation and a kids’ washable thick felt-tip pen great for eyeliner. (If you’ve not got one of those try a permanent marker and save yourself a daily chore. I also recommend a mirror which at least X20 magnification, especially if you wear glasses otherwise you’ll look like Coco the Clown.)

So anyway, in this time of lockdown, when there is not much to be happy about not having to put my make-up on and iron a mountain of clothes for my boys is one small benefit. Yay! My utility room no longer looks like a laundrette hit by a freight train. In fact, the only clothes I iron are the ones I wear for the two nights week I work in a supermarket.

Yes, I am working in a supermarket. It’s a bit of risk when there’s pandemic on, but where needs must. We’ll talk about that another day.

Anyway, on other days when I am home, I’m generally looking like a total scruff. I am not sure if my elderly neighbours are more afraid of the pandemic or the unrecognizable women walking up and down the street looking like a cross between Worzel Gummidge, the scarecrow, and a potential murderer.

But hey it’s great. I can wear the same trousers for days! And (cough, cough) I think I’ve worn some knickers for two days running. My mother did always tell me to wear clean knickers every day in case I got run over by a bus but there are no buses running around here so I’ve no worries now. Hurrah!

Well not unless I get Covid 19, in which case it won’t just be me who needs a ventilator.

Stay safe, everyone. And God bless all our wonderful medical staff all over the world.