2500 x 500

The often dubious, politically incorrect and mainly humorous musings of Ms Jane Turley, (Ex) Housewife Extraordinaire.

I is for Iambic Pentameter

So this going to be one of my intellectual posts. (Ho hum.)

Let’s talk about iambic pentameter.

Now to refresh your minds, since I’m sure many of you might have forgotten what iambic pentameter is from your school days (I can’t remember anything prior to 1990 so if you’re older than me there’s a good chance you can’t even remember your name) I shall refresh your memory with an explanation taken straight from a dictionary rather than using my own explanation because my own garbled definition would probably make you wonder if I have any brain cells left.

So, accordingly, this is the explanation from the Oxford Dictionary:

A line of verse with five metrical feet, each consisting of one short (or unstressed) syllable followed by one long (or stressed) syllable.


Yep, makes no sense to me either. Thirty years ago I think it did. Although, frankly, at school, I was a bit of blagger back then too and had an uncanny ability to sound like I knew what I was talking about when in fact I had absolutely no idea. This was probably because I read a lot and knew lots of big words thus pulling over the wool over many of my teacher’s eyes. Unfortuantely, that didn’t work well in Maths where big words can’t replace numbers. Although I think I tried a few times. Unfortunately, the answer “Gobbledygook” doesn’t impress most maths teachers who usually have some type of personality disorder. 


Who other than a maths teacher would snort with laughter when you put down 2X for an answer instead of 2Y?


So back to iambic pentameter. Basically, it’s quality prose or poetry that sounds really good and trips off the tongue. The best way to appreciate it is to read or listen to some of the best or most famous pieces. Like these pieces from master craftsmen, William Shakespeare:


Now is the winter of our discontent
Made glorious summer by this sun of York;
And all the clouds that lour’d upon our house
In the deep bosom of the ocean buried.



Richard III



Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer’s lease hath all too short a date

Sonnet XVIII



If music be the food of love, play on;
Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so die.
That strain again! it had a dying fall:
O, it came o’er my ear like the sweet sound,
That breathes upon a bank of violets,
Stealing and giving odour! Enough; no more:
‘Tis not so sweet now as it was before.
Twelfth Night
Now I have been lucky enough over the course of my life to have seen some of our finest British actors perform Shakespeare and if you ever have a chance to see the Royal Shakespeare Company in action at Stratford then do take up the opportunity. Shakespeare is not always easy to appreciate if you are unfamiliar with the language but I guarantee that the live spectacle of theatre in the home of Shakespeare is something not to be missed and will keep you riveted to your seat.
Anyhow, I’ve been trying over the course of the ten years writing this blog to get to grips with poetry and iambic pentameter. And the result has been – I have failed miserably! I am now reduced to writing free poetry (without rhyme or rhythm) in the form of 3 line haikus. Here are a few previous A to Z attempts:
Haikus in praise of Jason Statham:

Jason is very cool
Even though he is bald
Sometimes he wears a flat cap

Jason has a big gun
His aim is accurate
He doesn’t have to lift the toilet seat

Jason and Vin Diesel in Fast and Furious
OMG
I am so going to watch it


Now to be honest, as you can probably tell from the above attempts, I’m not sure if I’ve really got the hang of this haiku business. Three lines are just too complicated for me. I’m now working on developing my own form of poetry called the “Two Liner.” Here are my first attempts:
Shakespeare, awesome.
Me, shit.
Brexit, bring it on
Tunnel sealed
Jason, still cool
Ring me
Daniel Craig, what again?
I vote Jason
Trump, floppy hair
Scissors please
Daily Mail, pictures
pictures, pictures, fail
Poetry awesome
Me, bucket of piss
So there we go – I’ve developed a new form of poetry and I’m rather impressed with my own first attempts! I may yet get the Nobel prize for literature! Now if you’d like to try the new “Two Liner” leave your attempt in the comments. The best one gets a copy of my novel – paperback or ebook (your choice) of my novel The Changing Room.
Latest Posts
New Website

After 18 years on another CMS, I have moved my blog to a more versatile platform. However, it will take some time while I perform some jiggery-pokery to get it exactly how I want it. So please bear with me as things fall off the page, are posted upside down and so on. It has also beome apparent that I will have to edit hundreds of posts as importing them has screwed up all the post layouts, especially paragraphs. This

Read More »
A Chicken Nugget A Day Keeps Justice Away

I have been forced. Yes, forced to come out of blog hibernation to comment on the latest scandal to hit the UK. God knows I have been tempted multiple times in the last few years to comment on some of the insane things happening in the UK and in the world, but sadly, life has just thrown too many curve balls at me. But today, I can take no more – I cannot keep my mouth shut any longer over

Read More »
My Nominees for the US and UK Elections and Other Waffle

It’s the early hours of the morning, and I have had a large gin… Late-night alcohol is always a good recipe for writing gibberish. And I have not written gibberish for a while on my blog as I have been busy writing gibberish for my MA in Comedy Writing. Which I recently passed with a distinction. Yay! Yes, it transpires that even academics can be fooled into thinking gibberish is genius. Excellent. So anyway, I have written two sitcoms, a

Read More »
Less is More (well that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it)

I’ve been practising my haikus, which you may recall, I’m not particularly good at. However, I wanted to address the woke issue in a concise, meaningful way as it is such a serious matter for discussion and particularly relevant to me as a comic writer. Which, if you know me,  translates as: 1) I’m too lazy to write a long analytical post. And 2) I’d rather watch a movie and eat tortilla chips. However, I feel obliged to say my

Read More »
Sixteen Years On

So this post is just going to be a stream of possibly (wildly erratic) thoughts. So hang on to your breeches; we could go anywhere with them.   Cripes, I only managed three posts last year. And I call myself a writer? Pathetic! Though, to be fair to me, almost everyone who was blogging with me in 2007/8 no longer blogs or blogs even less than I do now. A few later blogs are still going, so kudos to those

Read More »
Are You Having A Laugh?

An ex-secret service agent with a personality problem and a desire for imperial glory. An aged president who looks like he’s got a giant fork prong stuck up his arse to keep him upright. A floppy-haired bumbling classics graduate with a predisposition for crass decisions. A tinpot dictator who showcases his weapons like a movie trailer. A comedian who has found himself elevated to global status.  If the world wasn’t on the brink of war this surely would be the

Read More »

6 responses

  1. Good ole Billy.
    I proclaimed to be a master of a lot of things back in school, but poetry or verse in any form was not included. I just cannot write poetry.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *