O is for Ode to Oedipus

Yes, it’s time for one of my departures into appallingly bad poetry. This is because as usual I had no idea what I was going to write about today so I looked up a list of words beginning with “O” and found I didn’t know most of them. Well, I knew a few words such as… “on”, “one”, “once”, “oh” and “oven.” I did toy with the idea of writing about my oven (*spits*) but I thought that would probably spiral into one of my celebrity chef rants which I had been thinking of doing for “C” and then forgot at the last moment and so ended up doing the Christmas Male Dancer.

However, I did recognise the word “ode” in the list which was closely followed by “Oedipus”. ( I knew O level English would come in handy someday.) So I thought why not throw them together and see what happens…..

Oedipus was a king of Thebes
Who didn’t like controversies
Especially about his unfortunate herpes
Which tormented him so much at night
He wished he was a hermaphrodite

But Oedipus was already distressed
Having killed his father in a rage contest
He was even more depressed
When he discovered he’d married his mother
And hadn’t thought to use a rubber

Oedipus was distraught by his affliction
And cursed by a sex addiction
So he went to see his physician
Whose only pathetic solution
Was the suggestion of an institution

Oedipus wept and threw himself upon the floor
I cannot bear this anymore!
I am someone to abhor!
And so with wailing cries
He pulled out two pins and blinded his eyes

There is a moral to this sorry story
And all its poetic allegory
Which is condoms should be mandatory
Especially if you take a lover
And then screw your mother

There’s also another moral
Which is if you write some twaddle
For the April A to Z
Make sure you post it after the watershed
Or preferably when you are dead.